


Welcome to Eden's Gate

by SisterSalander



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Action/Adventure, Apocalypse, Bliss (Far Cry), Canon-Typical Violence, Drugs, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hostage Situations, Religion, Romance, Secret Relationship, Sex, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Torture, Trauma, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 20:55:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21575218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SisterSalander/pseuds/SisterSalander
Summary: Hope County is not the quiet place it used to be, thanks to Joseph Seed and his family. When the Deputy was sent to arrest the cult leader, she didn't expect what she would set in motion and what that would mean to her. Right and wrong are no longer fixed values...
Relationships: Female Deputy | Judge/John Seed, Female Deputy/John Seed, John Seed/Deputy
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	1. They won't get past the Gate

**Author's Note:**

> Crucial parts are retold from the game, but they're necessary to build up the story. So I hope you don't mind.  
> Also, this is my first fanfic and English is not my first language, so please be kind.

Soon after she had left the sign, welcoming her to Hope County, behind, the radio started crackling. Was there some kind of interference? Never mind, she thought and turned the knob to find another station. There, that sounded like something. Typical country music one would expect from a place like this, but then she really listened to the words.  
“Let the water wash away your sins....” What on earth?  
“Yeah, that's the Peggies new personal radio station. Charming, isn't it?” said Sheriff Whitehorse in the passenger seat. The Deputy just shook her head in disbelief. Something in her guts told her that the arrest of Joseph Seed would not go down smoothly.  
“Turn left over there, Rookie. The Marshal is waiting at the airfield.” The Deputy nodded and took the designated turn left.  
“Why do we need to go in via aircraft again?” asked Deputy Hudson from the backseat. Deputy Pratt seemed to have the same question, as he shifted in his seat, trying to get Whitehorse's answer.  
“Considering that the the Church of Eden's Gate is on an island, Marshal Burke found this to be the best approach. Also keeps us safe from some Peggie lunatics trying to get to us on the road, once the Father is in our custody.” Everyone nodded. “Remember, this is a federal arrest warrant. No fuck-ups!”  
“Yes, sir.”  
  
The airfield came into sight and next to the black helicopter stood Marshal Cameron Burke, seemingly impatient. “Finally!” he exclaimed as the Sheriff and Deputies left the truck. “There is little to no daylight left. And those weirdos give me the creeps in the dark.” And yet the Marshal seemed more than determined to proceed. He wanted to be the one who brings down Joseph Seed.  
“Then let's go!” Whitehorse directed everyone into the helicopter, where Hudson and Pratt immediately started its engines. During the flight, the others brought the Deputy up to speed on the Seed family and their project and only shortly after, they landed on the island. Burke and Whitehorse walked ahead as vanguard and Hudson and the Deputy followed close in formation, while Pratt was waiting at the aircraft.  
As soon as they reached the compound they were suspiciously eyed by every person they came across.  
“Stay calm, everyone. Just go about your business, this doesn't concern you,” the Sheriff shouted for every person to hear. Dogs started to bark like crazy but were kept closed off. The atmosphere was tense and the Deputy wasn't sure if the Sheriffs exclamation did any good. She looked into the peoples faces and came across anger and blood lust, but also fear. Who was this Father, that these people reacted like this? Of course the Deputy had read the files and listened to what her colleagues had to say. But she couldn't fathom how a single man and his family would gain such a devoted following.  
“...not every problem can be solved with a bullet, Marshal...” Whitehorse seemed calm and the Deputy tried to follow his example, until they finally reached the church. It was a simple white building with a light green roof, but the bell tower looked menacing on the darkening sky. The Deputy felt a lump in her throat as the Marshal reached for the door, but Whitehorse stopped him.  
“Woah Marshal. Now we do this, we do it my way: Quietly. Calmly. You got it?” Burke agreed and Hudson was put on guard post outside.  
“Rookie, on me.” The Sheriff turned to Burke. “And you, just try not to do anything stupid.” The Marshal put a hand on the Whitehorse's shoulder: “Relax, Sheriff. You're about to get your name in the paper.”  
  
As they opened the door, Joseph Seed's voice rang out to them. A cross-shaped light illuminated him from behind, letting him appear even more mysterious. Left and right were men and women, armed to their teeth, listening to the Father's sermon.  
“Something is coming. You can feel it, can't you? That we are creeping toward the edge...and there will be a reckoning.” Even though Joseph Seed undoubtedly saw the intruders in his church, he was still speaking to his congregation, and yet the Deputy felt like he was solely to her. She couldn't see his face due to the back lighting but she could've sworn he looked only at her. Shudder after shudder ran down her back as they made their way through the church. Burke and Whitehorse started to argue quietly, but the Marshal seemed determined to end this quickly, despite what the Sheriff had said beforehand. The Deputy looked around and saw another man in the front and assumed, from all she had heard, that this must have been John Seed, the Baptist. John was a little shorter than Joseph, his brown hair slicked back, his beard perfectly groomed. His blue eyes definitely laid upon her and it made her feel uneasy. She reached for the holster on her belt, feeling the reassuring cold metal of her gun. It calmed her down, but when she looked back up to John he smirked, almost unnoticeable.  
  
“Fuck it. Joseph Seed! I have a warrant issued for your arrest on the suspicion of kidnapping with the intent to harm!” The Marshal held up the warrant, which didn't seem to impress the Father in the slightest. “Now, I want you to step forward and keep your hands where I can see them.” The shirtless man raised his hands, watching the Marshal almost with pity through his tinted glasses. Tattoos covered his upper body and bore witness to his madness. There were several of the seven deadly sins etched into his skin.  
“Here they are...the locusts in our garden...You see they've come for me.” More and more people got up and placed themselves between the Marshal and the Father, protecting their leader. The murmur that arose promised what the Deputy had felt in her guts before: this would definitely not go down smoothly. If all these people grabbed their guns and opened fire, none of the law enforcement officials would get out of here alive. The Sheriff started to shout, trying desperately to calm everyone down, when Joseph Seed managed exactly that, by simply touching a few of the Peggies by their shoulders. The agitated voices died down in seconds. There was no way to deny the power this man had over his flock, it was almost surreal to watch.  
Behind the Father, John made his way to the other side, never breaking eye contact with the Deputy.  
“We knew this moment would come. We have prepared for it. Go. Go...God will not let them take me.” And one by one the Peggies left the church, until only the Seeds remained. Josephs older brother Jacob stood, arms crossed, to the Father's right. Jacob was a former soldier, which was not only clear from his camouflage shirt or G.I. crew cut but also from his whole posture. The same piercing blue eyes watching her every move. John stood right behind Joseph and then there was Faith. She looked like she was only a child in her little white dress with the flowers but the Deputy knew better. The Siren, that's what they call her.  
  
The Father recited the Book of Revelation, hands held up to the sky: “and I saw. And behold, a white horse. And Hell followed with him.” With the last phrase, Joseph looked the Deputy right in the eyes, extending his arms.  
“Rookie, cuff this son of a bitch.” But the way the Father offered his hands to her didn't look or feel like a gesture of surrender at all. It felt welcoming, as if she just had to give her hands into his and would be shown a new path. His bright eyes behind the glasses spoke the same language. When she quickly glanced over to his siblings, they all appeared calm as well. What was happening here? Something was utterly wrong. “God will not let you take me,” Joseph repeated as if reading her mind.  
The Deputy didn't recognize that she has been hesitating for so long until Burke bellowed: “Come on, Rookie!” She nodded and reached for the handcuffs.  
“God is watching us. And he will judge you on what you choose in this moment...” The Fathers voice let her hesitate another few seconds but ultimately she followed Burke's order. Joseph still didn't put up a fight, but when the cuffs were shut he whispered: “Sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away...” and the hairs on her neck all stood up straight.

There was screaming and shouting on the compound, when the Deputy led Joseph to the helicopter, but no one attacked them. At least not until they almost reached the aircraft. Rocks were thrown at them and the Marshal fired his gun into the air, trying to keep the raging people off. Once the Father was in the helicopter, Peggies started clinging to the sides, fighting their way inside, fighting to free their leader. The Marshal shot a man, while the Deputy pushed off a woman. Hudson had her hands full on her side as well. When the helicopter was high enough in the air and no second wave was able to climb the aircraft, the Deputy was hopeful for the worst to be behind all of them. How foolish she had been. Just when Joseph quietly began to sing Amazing Grace, the aircraft started to rumble and soon enough spiraling down. The crash wouldn't kill them, that she was sure of, but it would be anything but pleasant. The crash came and everything went black.


	2. Take heed young heathen

The Deputy couldn't say if anything she remembered from waking up until a few hours later actually happened or if she had just imagined it. Deep in that haze she heard the voice of Joseph, still singing. And somehow she must've gotten out of that burning helicopter. After what could've been hours or minutes, she heard Burke over the radio, who called out to any survivor to find him at a trailer.  
  
She had her first clear moment after all of this when Burke almost knocked her out, because he thought she was one of the Peggies. He said something about getting the National Guard involved and handed her an automatic rifle, despite her condition. She went into full autopilot, taking out Peggies left and right. How they got into a truck shortly after was beyond her knowledge as well, she could only remember bullets buzzing through the air. And then the water.  
  
Did they crash again? Everything was blurry and her head hurt when she woke up in a bunker, tied to a bedframe. The room was spinning. A bald man in a camouflage shirt was standing close to her, talking about the radio signal to the outside being lost, that the entire Project at Eden's Gate was looking for her and that the easiest thing would be to hand her in, but in the end he cut her free and gave her new clothes. Her uniform was to be burned. He also equipped her with both knowledge and supplies to “unfuck this situation”. His name was Dutch and he put her up to speed which part of Hope County 'belonged' to which sibling. It was scary to think about how all of this could've happened right under everyones noses: territories, the Bliss, broadcasts, hostages...the list of atrocities was way too long. Someone had to do something...

“Oh shit...Deputy.” It was Dutch's voice coming from the radio. It's been a few days since she woke up in his bunker. Now she was in the middle of the forest, spying on a Peggie shrine nearby. The Deputy had managed to restore the radio signal for the area and she could hear the distress in Dutch's voice all too clear. “I'm picking up something new on the Holland Valley. It's a broadcast from John....” A small moment of silence. “You need to see this.”  
As fast as she could, the Deputy rushed back to Dutch's bunker. His old boxy TV was already running. Her arms crossed, she couldn't believe what she was seeing. It was John indeed – smug, well dressed and exuding confidence. He talked to the camera, just like in some kind of infomercial, but the Deputy knew exactly that he was only talking to her.  
  
“We are all Sinners. Every one of us. You. Me.” John chuckled, without any humor. “Even the Father knows deeply of sin.” The camera angle changed and John was walking down a red carpet towards a group of Peggies, seemingly talking to them now.  
“What if I told you, you could be free from sin? What if I told you that everything you ever dreamed could come true? What if I told you that everything could be overcome if you embraced an idea?” He was looking straight at the camera again, making a dramatic pause while the Peggies walked out of frame. “That freedom from sin can come from the power of just one word...” It felt like he was able to see right through the TV-screen into the Deputy's heart and she shuddered. Then he rose his arms, the camera following his movement to lit-up 'YES'-sign and cheers were heard in the background.  
“When is this shit show over?” muttered the Deputy but Dutch signaled her to keep watching. And indeed she did. She clasped her face in horror as Hudson was brought into frame, tied up and gagged. He was trying to force the Deputy to surrender.  
  
“Yes, I am a sinner,” said John, grabbing poor Deputy Hudson by her arms, presenting her to the camera. “Yes, I wish to be unburdened. Yes, I must be redeemed.” With these words he placed a hand on Hudson's throat. In this gesture was obviously aggression but also caressing. He was teasing, trying to demonstrate what might happen if he didn't get his will. But he also enjoyed it. Very much.  
  
“If you're watching this,” John had let go of Hudson, speaking directly to the Deputy again and looking sly as ever. “know that you have been selected. You will be cleansed. You will confess your sins, and you will be offered atonement. Don't worry, you don't have to do anything. We'll come for you.” John's smile dies and the Deputy got goosebumps all over. A threat from this man was not something to be taken lightly. She had already directed her thoughts to what should be done next, when she heard John's voice one last time: “Welcome to Eden's Gate.”  
  
“Well, that fella sure knows how to deliver a speech,” Dutch mumbled, turning off the TV.  
“He used to be a lawyer, did you know?” The Deputy's voice was shaky. How was she going to get Hudson out of John's clasp?  
“You gotta get going, kid,” Dutch said and gave her a location to start: Fall's End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A rather short chapter, but we're getting there, bear with me :D


	3. The Blessing just takes minutes

Fall's End, located in the Holland Valley, was full of colorful characters. The Deputy met Mary May Fairgrave, bartender of The Spread Eagle; Pastor Jerome, a man of God who knew how to handle an assault rifle; and a bunch of other locals, who were welcoming her and her help against the Peggies.  
After the Deputy secured the roads of Fall's End, Mary sat her down in the bar, poured her some liquor and placed a pizza in front of her. All of a sudden the Deputy noticed how hungry she was and started eating after muttering a quick 'Thank you'.  
“Eat up, while we still have supplies,” Mary said and the last bite almost got stuck in the Deputy's throat. She looked at the bartender apologetically but the blonde woman just smiled.  
“Mary, I don't wanna steal your supplies.”  
“Are you kidding me? After what you've done for this place, a pizza is the least we can do for you. You're not stealing anything from anyone.”  
“Thank you.”  
“You can also crash in one of the rooms upstairs. They're not exactly five stars but you look like you could use a good nights sleep.”  
Soon after, the Deputy lay stretched across a bed, falling asleep almost immediately. She couldn't even remember the last time she had been this tired. Her whole body felt so sore from never getting the chance to heal after two crashes. Maybe when all of this was over...

She awoke from the static sound of her radio. The Deputy reached for it and just when she wanted to call out whoever that was, she heard a familiar voice.  
“Sin is pervasive. It drives us to do unspeakable acts.” His voice was so close to her, as if he was in the room with her. How did he find this channel? “I know the feelings that drive you. I know them...intimately. But I can help you, Deputy. I can wash away these sins. I can cleanse your soul. It will be difficult and it will be painful. But it will be worth it.” He made a pause, for aesthetic reasons only. “My people will come for you. They will bring you to me. Don't fight it. Because the harder you resist, well...the harder we'll have to scrub your soul.”  
While John was talking, the Deputy got up, put on her boots and readied her gun, heading downstairs.  
“They'll have to find me first, asshole,” she said in a pressed voice. The last thing she needed right now was all of Fall's End to come for her rescue. There have been too many casualties already. As quiet as she could, the Deputy climbed into a truck and left off. These people would stay safe tonight.

She wasn't destined to get far though. After a few miles she went headfirst into a Peggie roadblock and of course they opened fire in an instant. I fell for the oldest trick in the book, the Deputy thought while firing back. Fucking John Seed. He knew that she wouldn't endanger the people of Fall's End and even though he repeatedly threatened for his people to come and get her, he would eventually just wait for her to deliver herself. Stupid!  
The windshield already had some serious cracks, so the Deputy pushed her door open and took cover behind it.  
“Shoot her with the Bliss bullets!” yelled one of the Peggies.  
“You'll just have to strike her once, c'mon!” There was another white truck arriving with even more Peggies to shoot at her. There was no way she would get out of this unharmed. And what would those Bliss bullets do to her? Knock her right out?  
She didn't have to wait long to find out the answer. The Deputy felt a stinging pain in her leg and her vision almost immediately started to get blurry. The shouting and gunfire all of a sudden sounded very far away and before she knew, everything was cast in a blinding white light.

Waking up from having water splashed across the face isn't very pleasant but waking up underneath the surface of a pond is far worse. Even though the Deputy was held under water by a Peggie, she could hear John's voice.  
“We must wash away our past. We must expose our sins. We must atone.” Finally she was allowed to get up, greedily sucking air into her lungs. “For only then may we stand in the light of God and walk through his gate unto Eden.” It was nighttime still. Or again? How long had she been unconscious? Her head was spinning and two bright lights blinded her. Was it a truck? Even with her blurry vision, she noticed other people being in the same pond with her, looking somewhat intoxicated. But also...blissful.  
The Peggie that just almost-drowned the Deputy, now moved her along towards the bright lights and she could see John's lean figure, holding a book and touching every person walking by with a gesture of blessing. When it was her turn, John looked the Deputy in the eyes, but talking to the Peggie behind her:  
“Not this one.” His rolled up sleeves exposed a good deal of his tattoos but the Deputy was almost certain that those weren't all of them. John handed the book to another Peggie and stated: “This one is not clean.” Without any further warning, the Baptist pushed her, hands to her throat, back under the water. His face hardened with rage and agitated grunts escaped his lips. As quickly as he had pushed her down, just as quickly had he pulled her up again, seemingly satisfied. But that satisfaction only lasted a fleeting moment and John tried to push her down once again. He would kill her, that she was sure of. It was a voice that the Deputy had last heard in one of her nightmares, in which she was reliving the beginning of this disaster over and over. And this voice, of all things, stopped John in his endeavor.  
“Do you mock the cleansing, John?” The Baptists face froze and reminded the Deputy of a little boy, who knew he did something wrong. A trace of innocence on this monsters face.  
“No, Joseph,” said John, without entirely facing his older brother, but turning enough for the Deputy to look straight at the Father. This time he was wearing a shirt and vest, exuding the essence of a southern preacher.  
“You have to love them, John. Do not let your sin prevent that.” Joseph's voice was calm but it struck fear in his younger brother. “Bring this one to me.” And John did as he was told. Just like back then in the church, Joseph extended his arms, welcoming the Deputy, but this time he cupped her face, pulling her close.  
“Despite all that you have done, you are not beyond salvation.” These blue eyes behind the tinted glasses were magnetic, it was hard to look away. They shone just as bright as the trucks headlights behind the Father. “You're not here by accident or by chance. You are here by the grace of God. You've been given a gift.” Fireflies surrounding them made this whole scene appear like one of her bad dreams. It felt so surreal. But Joseph remained stern. “Now it remains to be seen whether you choose to embrace it...” He looked down, as if he would be personally hurt by option number two. “or to cast it aside.”  
Joseph had let go of the Deputy and turned to John again. The younger sibling still seemed intimidated by his brother, avoiding to look him in the eyes.  
“This one shall reach atonement,” the Father said, referring to the Deputy. He pulled John to him and they touched foreheads. John's eyes were closed, giving the impression of being hurt. “Or the Gates of Eden shall be shut to you, John.” Still avoiding eye contact with his brother, John looked down and answered in a voice so meek: “Yes, Joseph.”

Only after the Father had left, John's gaze followed him and his confidence was visibly returning. But still, there was something soft in his voice. Something true.  
“You will confess. Every sin you've ever committed. No matter how petty, no matter how small...” His gaze was so hypnotizing that there was only so much left and the Deputy would have agreed to all of this. The Bliss made all of this a much more intense experience. “I will pull from you. Then we will see if you're worthy of atonement.”  
With a simple nod he had one of the Peggies taking the Deputy to a van. From there her memory got blurry. She couldn't remember how she got into the car and how it crashed but she woke up and the world was upside down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Deputy is getting from one crash into the next xD  
> Story will pick up in the next 1-2 chapters, I promise.


	4. Come wisdom and come fire

Somehow Pastor Jerome managed to ambush the convoy and free the Deputy. How, she had no idea. It took a while to get the Bliss out of her system and everything felt dull for some time, but she experienced no fear or pain. Only when it began to wear off, a massive headache started to build up.

“Drink this.” The glass Mary handed the Deputy looked suspiciously like Bourbon mixed with aspirin, but she took it anyway and emptied it in one gulp. “Atta girl.”  
“Thank you, Mary.” The bartender nodded and put the glass aside. There was something she wanted to say but seemed to be lacking the right words.  
“Are you okay?” the Deputy asked.  
“Yeah, sure...” There was another pause in which she struggled for words. “Don't get me wrong, Dep but...how was the Baptism?” The look of confusion on the Deputy's face gave Mary another push. “There are seldom people who live to tell the tale, if you know what I mean.”  
“It was...weird to say the least. The Bliss probably tampered with my perception but for a moment I felt at peace. That was until John tried to drown me.” The Deputy couldn't read Mary's expression, since there was definitely something she was withholding. She seemed to be both disgusted and somewhat pleased, but the Deputy didn't dig any further.  
“Well, I'm glad you're still in one piece, Dep.”  
“Thanks.” At that moment, Pastor Jerome entered the room, looking worried.  
“Oh good, you're up and about.”  
“Up yes, still a bit shaky though.” Jerome brushed it off as if it was nothing that couldn't be handled, as if the Deputy was only modest. “I guess I have to thank you, Pastor. I probably would've ended up in John's bunker if it hadn't been for you.”  
“We have to look out for each other, right? Especially when you got someone like the Baptist at your throat.” Mary and Jerome exchanged a strange look.  
“It seems like John is pretty obsessed with you, Dep.” Mary couldn't hide the disgust in neither her voice nor her face. The Deputy sighed.  
“Not only John, I'm afraid.” Both Mary and the Pastor looked at her in confusion. “It seems that Joseph has taken a personal interest in making my life hell as well.”  
“How do you know?” asked Jerome, his brows furrowed in suspicion.  
“He was there. At the lake. He even threatened John that he wouldn't enter Eden's Gate if I wasn't to reach atonement.”  
“Don't get me wrong, but...what's so special about you?” Jerome's question was exactly what has been on the Deputy's mind since she regained consciousness.  
“Hell, if I knew...” John's obsession led her to a conclusion though, a conclusion that would stop the guns. She thought about her next words, knowing that she was about to make a controversial decision.  
“What I know for sure is that John has Hudson. We all saw that infomercial. And, according to Dutch, it's safe to assume that his siblings got the rest of my colleagues. If I...if I just hand myself in, they'll all be safe.”  
“No!” yelled Jerome and Mary almost looked like she was about to flip a table.  
“You can't give in to those mind games, Dep. Do you even know what John will do to you? Do you know what his confessions are like? He's a sadistic piece of shit.” Mary's rage was real, like she's been through it already. Maybe that was what she was withholding earlier.  
“Look Mary, I have the same urge to bring these fuckers down, but right now, there's too much at stake, too many lives on the line.”  
“They didn't drive your father into committing suicide!” Mary screamed and tears started to fill her eyes. Jerome comforted her, before he took the floor.  
“I hate to say it, but the Deputy here is right.” Mary wanted to protest, when Jerome signaled her that he wasn't finished just yet. “Still, we can't let you walk into their arms like that. It won't be over with the confession, it won't be over if you reach atonement, it won't even be over when they convinced you to stay. They will still abduct and kill people.”  
The Deputy was unsure as to what she could reply to Jerome's speech. Of course he was right. They both were right, which put her in a huge predicament.  
“The only way I see is to finally get rid of the Seeds and their fucking cult altogether,” Mary said, crossing her arms.  
“Then you suggest killing people before they can kill others. How will this vicious circle ever end?” The Deputy's remark caused both Mary and Jerome to stare at the floor. Every single one of them knew that there was no way out of this situation without risking casualties, without bloodshed.  
“It feels like being on the edge of a goddamn war,” Mary said after a while.  
“The war has already begun.”

Later that day, the sun was already setting, the Deputy took a stroll with Jerome. He was telling her about his church, how it used to be a sanctuary and a place of hope and how it was violated by the Project at Eden's Gate.  
“The twisted beliefs of the charismatic cult have led good people to take a path of violence and terror.”  
“I'm sorry, Pastor. I hope that your sheep will return one day.”  
“Thanks, Dep,” Jerome sighed. “I will leave you for today. I pray for another plan that isn't a suicide mission.” She nodded and waved the Pastor goodbye. The moment he was out of sight, her radio began to crackle.  
“Pastor Jerome is selfish and misguided. And if he was a true man of God, his people wouldn't have left him in the first place.” How did he...? John had to have people spying on her, how else could he react to what just happened? But he wasn't finished yet. “You, Deputy, will still confess your sins. Because this is the will of the Father.”  
“I won't do shit, you fucking piece of crap!” The Deputy yelled into the radio, unsure where this rage had come from, since she was about to sacrifice herself a minute ago. There was cackling on the other end.  
“My my...such anger...such Wrath...,” John said, before the line went dead.


	5. Bold and brave

A few days passed, in which the Deputy helped the people of Fall's End and the Holland Valley to regain control of their territory. But the thought of Hudson, Pratt, Burke and wherever Whitehorse was, was still heavy on her brain. She needed to do something, and as if John could read her mind, the Deputy's radio emerged the Baptists voice. 

“Deputy...you've had your fun. But all sinners must confess. This is the will of the Father.” This again. “My men are coming for you. I'll see you soon.” The way he said those last few words gave the Deputy the creeps. He was enjoying all of this, was excited and looked forward to cause her even more pain. John was so determined to get her into his clasp and it frightened her. Was there an ulterior motive?  
There wasn't much time to think about it any further, because, just as promised, John's men arrived in their white vans and immediately started firing Bliss bullets. The Deputy had been scouting on her own out here, so there was no one even remotely close to get to her aid and so the inevitable happened. The world once more disappeared in a white light.

“Wake up, Sinner.” The grumbling voice of a Peggie sounded far off in the distance.  
“Be easier to just put a bullet in 'em,” another muffled voice said. The Deputy's vision was blurry, but she sure as hell could see that she wasn't in Kansas anymore. The blue Montana sky had been replaced by thick metal walls.  
“This is not the will of the Father,” said the first voice. The will of the Father. For fucks sake, this again. Everything had to move alongside or towards the will of the Father among these people. “Take her to John. He's ready to hear her confession.”

The Deputy must've blacked out once more because the next time she opened her eyes, the world was painted in crimson red. The metal walls made her feel trapped, as if she couldn't breathe properly. And there was someone else with her in the room, but the drug in her system made it impossible to get a clear vision. When she started to move and adjust herself, she noticed that she had been tied to a chair. The other person grunted and started to let out a muffled scream. Wait a second...  
“Hudson!” The realization made the Deputy regain a clear head and she looked in Hudson's gagged face, drowned in tears. She was also tied to a chair and her eyes were sheer panic.  
“Are you okay? What did John...?” The Deputy noticed it was useless asking her these questions as the duct tape over Hudson's mouth wouldn't give her much of a chance to answer. Then there was a metallic sound, like a door that's been opened and the room was filled with a whistling tune. It was Very Lynn's 'We'll Meet Again'. Hudson became apathetic as John Seed walked in, a toolbox in hand. On a table next to the Deputy, he placed a metal bowl and the smell of disinfectant made the insides of her nose sting. The toolbox was placed on a workbench, as John was still whistling and he opened it with pristine care. After the tune had ended, John took a moment to turn around and appeared relaxed and cheerful. He was about to put on a show for them, as he had already made the stage with his dramatic entrance. Hudson's apathy resulted in the Baptist exclusively talking to the Deputy though. 

“My parents were the first ones to teach me about the Power of Yes.” His voice was calm and had the unique ability to captivate any listener, no matter what he spoke about. John turned around again and took a staple gun and something that looked like a piece of leather from the toolbox.  
“One night, they took me into the kitchen and they threw me on the ground,” While he was talking, he began stapling the leather to the workbench. “and I experienced pain after pain after pain after pain-” He slammed the staple gun on the bench and with horror came the realization: this wasn't just a piece of leather, that was a piece of human skin. Hudson whimpered in her chair. There were two types of disgust the Deputy felt in that moment. First over the fact that John apparently collected pieces of skin. And secondly, and she was staggered that she was able to feel that for him, she was disgusted about what had happened to John. She remembered the Seed family story from the file, which was anything but pretty. But hearing it as a first-hand account was something different. Was that pity she felt for John fucking Seed?  
“And when I didn't think I could take anymore, I did.” He once again pulled something out of the toolbox and made his way over to the Deputy. Just like in cliche crime movies, John switched on a lamp and directed it right in her face.  
“Something broke free inside. I wasn't scared. I was...clear.” Now could see what John had brought with him: a tattoo gun and he began to wire it up. “I looked up to them and started to laugh. All I could say was...Yes.” As a strange way to emphasize his words, he turned on the tattoo gun and the buzzing sound made Hudson grunt once more. John looked pleased, eyeing his tool as if it was a dear lover.

“I spent my entire life looking for more things to say Yes to.” He had out the gun away and with a swift move, his hands were on the Deputy. A nanosecond she thought he was going to strangle her, but Johns hands got a hold on her shirt and ripped it right open, displaying the Deputy's underwear. There was a smirk, a smirk that told her that he was pleased with what he saw and he continued to stare at her bare skin when he continued.  
“I opened up every hole in my body and when those were filled,” His gaze pierced into the Deputy's eyes. Those goddamn blue eyes. “I created more.” John's face became calm, his mocking tone almost soft.  
“But it was Joseph who showed me just how selfish I was being.” The admiration for his brother was real and heartfelt, but the Deputy had seen a different side of their relationship at the lake.  
John began to rub off her skin with the disinfectant, preparing her for what was to come. “Always receiving, always taking. The best gift isn't the one you get, it's the one you give and giving takes courage.” Absentminded he rubbed the same spot over and over until the Deputy could feel a slight sting. Finally he let go of her and walked back to the workbench, facing Hudson for the first time.  
“The courage to own your sin. To etch it on to your flesh and carry its burden.” His voice became agitated, his lean body tense. “And when you have endured – when you have truly began to atone – to cut it out like a cancer and display it for all to see.” John laughed huskily and a smile crept over his face. “My God, that's courage.”

Picking up a screwdriver, John seemed to lose his grip. He talked faster, louder. “I'm going to teach you courage. Teach you how to say 'yes' so you can confront your weaknesses.” Pacing up and down, the screwdriver in hand, Hudson began to whimper again, but louder and more desperate. “Confront your sin! You will swim across an ocean of pain and emerge...free. For only then can you truly begin to atone.” John had made his way back to the Deputy and pushed the screwdriver against her chest. He didn't put more force into it but the wicked smile on his lips told her that he was only able to hold back so much. Then he positioned himself back at the workbench, still smiling and presenting his tool as a weapon. 

“So who's to go first? Hm?” Hudson didn't make a sound. That poor woman has been through so much already. “Which one? Hm?” John started to get impatient, but the lump in the Deputy's throat prevented her from saying anything either.  
“This is lesson number one.” Hudson began to scream frantically. “Someone's got to choose!” John was on the edge, that was more than obvious and before he could do anything to Hudson, the Deputy screamed: “Yes!”  
“Yes. YES!” John was as happy as a little boy, so much excitement in his voice and movements. “You're not going to regret this. I promise.” He towered over her, close. Closer than she would have liked in this moment.  
“Now, before we begin, I think it's only proper that Deputy Hudson goes back to her room.” He threw away the screwdriver, making his way over to Hudson. “Confessions are meant to be private, after all.” Hudson's screaming caused John to stop and turn to her. “Shhhh, shhhh...I am not here to take your life. I'm here to give it to you.” Even though he was talking to Hudson, his blue eyes again pierced into the Deputy's and, as if he had forgotten that Hudson was still in the room, he got even closer to the Deputy.  
“I'm going to open you and pour your worst fears inside...” His hands closed around her throat, pushing until she gagged and fought for air. “And as you choke, your sins will reveal themselves. Only then will you truly understand the Power of Yes.” He just smiled and let go of her. “I'll be right back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the Deputy's finally in John's hands. I'm curently writing chapter 6, where things are going to pick up *wink wink*.


	6. The time has come for judgment

The Deputy tried to get out of her restraints but it was no use. John, or probably his goons, did a good job securing her. If she couldn't free herself, what would happen next? What would he do to her?

A scraping metal sound indicated that John had returned. His footsteps were slow, painstakingly slow, until he stood right in front of her again.  
“Finally alone, am I right?” John grinned, let out a sigh of contempt and grabbed another chair. Frantically, the Deputy looked over to the tattoo gun, which John noticed.  
“Oh no, no, no. This is not how this works, dear.” He sat down, comfortably stretching out his legs. “I'm not randomly tattooing you, oh no. First we'll have a little talk and figure out what your sin is.” The Deputy remained silent which seemed to amuse John. With a swift motion he got back up, sifting through his toolbox and returned with another screwdriver. He then moved the chair closer to hers, revoking any personal space from her.  
“Take all the time you need, I cleared my schedule, just for you.” He toyed around with the screwdriver, not in a threatening way, but definitely in a threatening way at the same time. “You are my little private project.”  
“You sure about that? As far as I know, there's a lot at stake here. For you, that is.” There was a twitch in John's face. The Deputy had hit a sensitive topic and she was sure she would pay for that. But then he began to smile.  
“You are a feisty one.” Again he chuckled. “There is a hard way to do this but I'm giving you the chance to take the easy way.”  
“How generous,” the Deputy said, scoffing at his offer.  
“Tsk tsk, so much anger. Something you need to confess, my dear?” The way he called her 'my dear' made her uneasy, because it sounded genuine. Like he meant it.  
“Lemme see, the man that's been terrorizing my friends is holding me captive. Do you think that might be an explanation for my anger?” All her rage rose to the surface, accelerating her heartbeat.  
“Your friends? Are you talking about the people of Fall's End? The honorable Pastor Jerome? Hard-bitten Mary May Fairgrave?” John laughed but without any trace of humor in his voice. “Tell me, did these people ever call you their friend? Did they share anything personal with you?” He made a pregnant pause. “Did they even ask for your name?” The Deputy wanted to spit something back at him but hesitated mid-motion. Satisfied with himself, John leaned back in his chair. “Aaaah...they didn't.” Now that she thought about it, none of them cared about who she was, they only cared about what she was. Damn his perception!  
“In a moment of crisis...”  
“Ah ah, Deputy. Don't come up with excuses on their behalf,” he interrupted her and leaned in close. Very close. His knee brushed over the outside of her thigh and there was a sensation that she wouldn't have thought possible in this situation. It felt pleasant. John must've noticed something because he became even more smug, but said nothing about it. 

“These people are using you, my dear.”  
“And you don't? Am I not just here to secure your position? To keep the Gates of Eden wide open to you?”  
“You are here because it's the will of the Father.” Again he toyed with the screwdriver. “Of course I'm in a bit of a predicament and only you can get me out of it, I won't deny that.” Another pregnant pause. “But that doesn't mean we can't enjoy this.” Did he just fucking wink at her?  
“I doubt that there's anything enjoyable in being mutilated with a tattoo gun.” Her voice was shaky, because she was thrown off guard due to his double entendre.  
“There will be pain, yes. But, as I said, we're going to have a little chat first.” John tucked away a strand of her auburn hair behind her ear. Again, the Deputy felt a pleasant tingle, as they made skin to skin contact.  
“What's your name?” John's voice was quiet now, hoarse, his eyes astute.  
“Victoria,” she said, without hesitation.  
“You don't owe the people of Fall's End anything, Victoria.” The way he said her name sent shivers up and down her spine. Names have power, she had read that somewhere. She had given John her power. Goddammit. 

When she wouldn't respond anymore, John crossed his arms. “By saying yes, you've agreed to this, you agreed to give your confession.”  
“I hardly had much of a choice.”  
“Oh but you had. And you chose.” Victoria got lost in his eyes for a second, unable to think straight.  
“John...I really don't know what you want from me,” she said truthfully. “I don't have a tragic backstory, no skeletons in the closet, I'm boring.” John laughed and this time the the laugh reached his eyes.  
“You, my dear, are anything but boring.” He leaned in again, pretending to accidentally brush over her leg as he folded his hands. “Joseph wouldn't want you to atone so badly, if you were boring.” What did Joseph want with her anyway? All of this didn't make any sense!  
“And yet I still don't know what you want to hear from me...” John pointed the screwdriver to the side of her neck, trailing down towards her collarbone and adding a little pressure. It wasn't painful, yet, but it wasn't pleasing either. When he trailed down further her exposed chest and cleavage, the pressure was gone entirely and John let the tool rest between her breasts.  
“Your sin will reveal itself. No matter how long it will take, no matter how painful it gets. I will pull it from you and you will atone.” It seemed as if he had to remind himself what the objective here was and soon he withdrew the screwdriver, his gaze coming all the way up to Victoria's eyes, a dangerous flicker in them.  
“I don't know what to reveal to you, for fucks sake!” She got desperate because she could see John's patience dwindling. He said this could take forever but he obviously wanted to present results to his brother. Just as she thought John would throw another tantrum, he smiled and got up.  
“I will let you think on that for a little while, my dear,” he said in the smoothest voice and left the room.

The overall exhaustion took its toll and Victoria fell asleep in the chair, still tied up. She even managed to dream, vividly, about John. His hands on her skin, his breath on her neck, his mouth on her mouth. He was neither cruel nor aggressive, but longing. In her dream she was still in this room, still in that chair, but he took off the restraints and grabbed her gently around her waist. It felt too real, so much that she woke up completely out of breath.

“That must have been one hell of a dream.” John's voice startled her. Had he honestly been watching her sleep? “Just witnessed the grand finale but my my.” Victoria wasn't able to look him in the eye, not after that dream.  
“I see. You're not willing to share with the class. Let's see if we can get you motivated, hm?” John sat down in front of her again, revealing a hunting knife. He was like a dog that just caught a whiff of his prey and there was no way to get him off that track. He let the blade slide over her thigh, gently, but without further warnings, he tore up the fabric of her jeans, exposing her naked leg. The point of the knife was pushed against her skin, a small drop of blood already pooling around it.  
“I'm giving you a chance here, a gateway into your confession,” John snapped at her. “If I were you, I'd take that.” But Victoria remained silent. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of telling him about the dream. Slowly and painfully, John pushed the blade further into her leg, his movements so precise that the Deputy began to whimper and tears fell down her face. His expression was that of a painter, perfecting his masterpiece. He truly was a master of pain, he knew what hurt her the most and would get the results he wanted.

“Confess your sins, my dear, and this will be over in a flash,” he purred in her ear, while driving the knife even further in her flesh until she cried out. The way John operated was concise, causing maximum pain without creating a huge gash.  
“I can't remember the dream, I swear! Please stop!”  
“Liar.” As punishment, John drove the blade in deeper and Victoria screamed at the top of her lungs. He grinned. “This must be a real treat if you're willing to take this much pain for a simple dream.”  
“Stop, please stop!” But he didn't stop. He took his sweet time mangling her leg even more. The Deputy tried to endure it, tried to keep the upper hand, but it was no use. John had won this battle for power. “Fine, fine! I'll tell you, just stop!” In an instant, the knife had been withdrawn from her leg.  
“I am all ears,” John said, cleaning the blade with a piece of cloth. Victoria tried catching her breath, the sudden silence booming in her ears and she thought about a different approach.  
“I'll tell you, but in return you will release Hudson.” John scoffed.  
“As much as I admire your grit, you are in no position to make demands.” The knife was brought forward again. “So I suggest you confess. Now.” It was hard for the Deputy to let go of that last straw. Being incapable of helping Hudson, who was probably still tied up in this bunker somewhere, made Victoria feel weak and small and that was almost as unpleasant as the bleeding wound in her leg. 

“I...I was dreaming about...you.” John's eyes lit up, his pupils dilating in excitement. “About you...and me...”  
“Yes?”  
“Oh for fucks sake, do I really need to spell it out for you?” Victoria complained.  
“I don't know what you're talking about.” John's face was the perfect mask of innocence. He knew exactly what she was talking about and it drove her mad.  
“I dreamed about us fucking, goddammit!” She has been a lot louder than she had intended and her words seemed to echo back from the crimson bunker walls. John was smug as ever, his ego going through the roof. He ran his fingers through his slicked back hair, snickering to himself.  
“I had no idea I instilled such sinful thoughts in you,” John said and began tending to her leg-wound.  
“Oh, cut the crap, John.” The way he toyed with her made Victoria feel a strange mixture of things. John was dangerous, he had shown that in a very compelling way. Then why did her skin feel electrified, every time he touched her? Even now, as he tended to the wounds he himself had inflicted upon her?  
“You, Deputy, are a true cornucopia of sins,” he stated while cleaning the wound with rubbing alcohol. “So far I saw Pride, Gluttony, Sloth, Greed and, of course, Wrath. So much Wrath.” John began to sew the gash shut and it only took a few stitches, for which he remained completely silent. “But I know which sin we'll start with.” His voice was smooth, inviting. “I picked up a few things earlier and now this revelation.” A high whistle tone. “Your first sin is Lust.”  
“Are you sure you're not talking about yourself?” the Deputy countered as John placed a bandage on her thigh. She thought about the things she had read in John's file before this whole thing went down. Drug and sex addiction. Lust was anything but foreign to him.  
“It seems we have a lot in common.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already started with chapter 7, but I don't expect it to go up before Christmas, I hope you understand.


	7. Free of all desire

She had expected him to get out the tattoo gun right away, marking her skin with the word 'Lust'. But he didn't. Either this wasn't enough of a confession or John himself was dwelling in lustful thoughts. Or worse, both.  
There was a dangerous flicker in his eyes and it was more than obvious that he enjoyed this whole ordeal. Not only constantly having the upper hand, but more so the direction this was heading. Because after the talking part would be done, there was room for physicality and it was undeniable that John Seed was a very physical person. From the way he carried himself to the endless innuendos; the way he had been touching Hudson in that ghastly infomercial and now Victoria. He had a way of getting her exactly where he wanted her, picking up her responses and using them against her.  


“So silent all of a sudden...” Victoria wasn't sure if John was talking talking to her or just had given a general statement, as he was looking at the ceiling. How many hours had she been in here by now?  
“You know, if there is something I cannot stand, it's silence during a confession.” His eyes flew from an undefined point at the ceiling back to Victoria.  
“What else do you want to hear, John? Should I give you the fucking details of the dream?” Victoria asked sarcastically, feeling tired of this whole situation. John's lips curled.  
“While I certainly wouldn't mind that,” he snickered and leaned forward. “I want you to dig a little deeper than just a dream.” From one moment to the next, the twisted smile was gone. “Or I will do the digging for you.”  
Victoria had been aware that John was moody, dangerous and unhinged but up until this moment she didn't fear him, even though she probably should have. The expression in his eyes, the tenseness in his body and now this threat – this instilled fear in her. She didn't know what to say and just looked at him like a deer in headlights.  
“You truly are gluttonous, aren't you? It's the only reason I can think of that would explain your constant stalling.” John's voice was pressed, sounding like he was desperately trying to keep it down. He jumped up from his chair, almost knocking it over.  
“It seems I have to get you motivated once again!” He clapped hands, the sound echoing back from the red walls. “Well, let's see what you'll tell me, once we get Hudson back in here.” Oh no. Oh no no no! He wouldn't do that, would he? Who was she kidding.  
“What are you gonna do to her?” Victoria gasped, her voice coarse. John towered over her, his hands on the bonds around her wrists. His face got closer to hers with every word he uttered.  
“I will do whatever is necessary to make you confess, my dear.” At the end of this they were only inches apart. Had the Deputy been more courageous, she would've spit the Baptist right between the eyes, but she wasn't and she wasn't even sure anymore if her reluctance had something to do with courage altogether. His threat had to be taken seriously though. Hudson had served her purpose, the Deputy had been lured into John's tight grip. He wouldn't hesitate to hurt or even kill her.  
“If there was something I could tell you, something that would spark your interest, I would. Trust me.” There wasn't any strength left in her voice, as she had been sleep deprived, dehydrated and wounded, not to speak of humiliated.  
“Oh how I would love to trust you,” John said, still dangerously close. “But thus far, you haven't exactly done anything for me to believe you.” Thick pity in his voice, he caressed her cheek and Victoria's body was yet again electrified.  


“I told the truth when I said I don't know what you want to hear from me,” the Deputy pleaded. “Ask me what you want and you'll see that I'm boring.” One of John's eyebrows slightly rose. He liked that idea, even though this would turn this confession into an interrogation. He gave her some space again and sat down.  
“How did you end up in Hope County?” and before she could answer, John added: “You don't seem like the other bumpkins from around here.” Victoria chuckled.  
“I came here because of my dad. He used to talk a lot about this place, the big Montana sky and all that.” She hesitated, feeling the pain in her chest. “After he and my mom died in an accident a few years back, I decided to come here.” Victoria's voice was merely a whisper by this time.  
“I am sorry for your loss.” It startled her how genuine John sounded.  
“You're sorry? Am I still talking to John Seed?” He laughed huskily and lowered his gaze.  
“You seem to have a very one-dimensional image of me, my dear.” Did he really look disappointed or was that just her mind playing tricks on her?  
“You can't blame that entirely on me. You've only shown me one side so far.” Victoria was staggered by how flirtatious these words sounded. And John immediately took her unintended bait. He got up and slowly walked around her chair, like a vulture circling its prey.  
“Well well...what should we do about that?” John stretched this sentence, going for a second round. When he was right behind her, he stopped. Victoria had goosebumps all over her body, way before he even laid a finger on her. Not seeing him made her feel uneasy and even though she anticipated his touch, the Deputy flinched when John put his hands on her shoulders.  
“You are very tense, my dear,” John said, running his thumbs up and down Victoria's neck. Her non-existent protest seemed enough of an invitation for John to properly massage her shoulders. And he was damn good at it. For a moment, she closed her eyes, appreciating something else than violence for a change.  
“You may take me for a monster,” John whispered, his lips almost touching her ear. “but I'm here to save you. To protect you.” Was he actually sounding sincere or was that just wishful thinking? Stop messing with my brain, Victoria thought, slightly shaking her head.  
“Protect me from what?” She spoke so quietly that it came in handy that John was already that close to her face. His hands shifted from her shoulders to her neck and the Deputy was expecting for him to choke her once again. But he didn't and that made her freak out more.  
“From your own demise, my dear,” John purred in her ear. “Give in and you'll be safe from the great collapse.” If she hadn't been in such a delicate position, risking John's hands closing around her throat, Victoria would have scoffed at this. He actually believed the bullshit his brother was predicting? So far she had believed John to be the type of guy that would pretty much say and do anything for a grain of power, but actually believing it?  
“So you really think the world is ending?” Victoria asked and relaxed a little because John had let go of her, slowly making his way back to the chair in front of her.  
“It already is,” John stated and sat down.  
“There have been thousands of lunatics pronouncing the end of days is nigh. Why should Joseph be the one who's right?” John smirked.  
“Because Joseph is always right. And he is not a lunatic. He has been chosen.” Right. The Voice. “I take it you're not a believer.”  
“What gave it away?” Her sarcasm still made John chuckle. “I don't believe in God or any other deity, which is why I don't understand why you and Joseph want me to atone so bad.”  
“Because he has already seen how all of this will play out. You must have a tremendously important role.” His eyes widened with excitement.  
“You can't be serious.”  
“Deadly serious.” There was something utterly menacing in his expression and again Victoria felt a pinch of fear.  


“So, I comply or die. Is that it?” Victoria dared to ask.  
“Killing you is out of the question, my dear. I thought I made that clear.” John let that sink in before he continued. “There is no either-or. You will atone. One way or another.” This determination made Victoria both feel both anxious and defiant. No, he wouldn't get his way with her, even if this meant a lot more pain and suffering. When she had come to terms with that, her courage returned.  
“You seem very sure of that. Good Luck, you'll need it.” The Deputy wasn't sure if John was honestly amused or just tried to conceal his frustration, but he smiled.  
“There is not a single person that can't be cracked. Not even you, Victoria.” He cupped her face with one hand and pulled her close, making her look into his eyes.  
“Try me, asshole.” Victoria could feel his breath on her face, when John scoffed.  
“I would love to,” John said quietly, her face still in his hand. The electricity was back. The touch that has been used to keep her in check, now felt like a sweet caress. What happened? Why was he so magnetic? Victoria's breath accelerated, as John inched even closer to her until their noses almost touched. John closed his eyes for a moment and Victoria did something she couldn't explain to herself afterwards. She tried to close the space between them by pressing her lips on Johns. The moment they met, John drew back and looked very complacent.  
“Just like I said. Lust.”

John had left her alone. He told her he would prepare everything for her marking, even though all the supplies were already in the bunker room. He wanted to soften the Deputy up, wear her down, break her will. It wasn't like Victoria had much of a say in this matter and she dreaded what was coming.  
There was no way to escape without hurting herself badly and she couldn't throw Hudson to the wolves like that. The only way was to wait for the right moment to make a run. The defiance she felt before was gone. She had to be reasonable now, which was easier said than done since John fucking Seed got under her skin like that, but there was no use in fighting the inevitable. So when John returned, Victoria was calm and accepted her fate and it seemed to irritate him greatly.  
“Shall we?” With the tattoo gun in hand, John smiled at her. Victoria shrugged and John lowered the back rest of her chair. Only now did she think about the tattoos placement and she remembered the Fathers 'Lust' etching on his lower abdomen. John was going for the same place.  
He opened the remaining buttons of her shirt, so the fabric was out of the way. When he began opening the buttons of her jeans, Victoria shot him a glance.  
“You could buy me dinner first.” Her remark made John chuckle, as he tucked in the jeans' waistband. He proceeded to clean the skin with the rubbing alcohol.  
“I would say something like 'this might hurt', but you already know it will.” The excitement in John's voice was frightening. As he lowered the machine to her skin, he stated: “Through pain will come clarity and through it atonement. So enjoy the ride.”  
John obviously wasn't a professional, so instead of small lines, set in the right depth, he dragged the needle in long painful strokes over her skin, going in way too deep. These letters would definitely scar over. And he sure as hell wasn't gentle with her, quite the opposite. Victoria got the impression that he went over a few spots a couple of extra times, because he saw how much it hurt her. Tears were running down her face and a few sobs escaped her lips.  
“You can consider yourself lucky we started with a four-letter word,” John said over the buzzing of the tattoo gun. So he was adamant about getting all of her sins etched in her skin in good time. Great.  
Despite his missing skill, he was focused and the air in the room slowly got stuffy. Finally the buzzing stopped and John leaned back, admiring his work. A creepy smile crept over his sweaty face and indicated that he was more than satisfied.  
“Are you done anytime soon?” Victoria snapped, feeling uneasy about him staring at her exposed and mangled skin.  
“Soon,” was all John had to say and he reached for the rubbing alcohol. He took extensive time for cleaning her wound and just as long for patching her up. What would happen next? Again John cupped her face with one hand, wiping away a tear from her cheek.  
“Wasn't that bad, was it?” He laughed at his own joke and let go of her face. “Now, I will bring you to your room and tomorrow we'll have you transferred.”  
“Transferred?” Victoria gasped.  
“Yes. We will continue our...work somewhere else.” Oh no, this wasn't good. Where would he take her? To Joseph? John raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to ask where they were going, but the lump in her throat prevented her from it. Without any sensitivity, John let the back rest snap back up, causing the Deputy to groan in pain. He towered over her, menacing yet playful.  
“If you're a really good girl, we might even be able to lose these restraints from now on.” He tugged on her wrists, smirking as if he just had a funny thought. “Maybe even when you're not that good. It's not like you could run anywhere.”  
“From where?” Victoria asked, tired of his games.  
“My ranch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year! I finally got chapter 7 done and I hope you like it.


	8. The shackles I wore

Victoria's room was a mere storage room with an old mattress in it, but after who knows how many hours of suffering, she wasn't going to be picky. Finally being free of her shackles felt so good, she almost started to cry.  
One wall was entirely covered with crates and boxes, the other were just naked metal, aside from the locked door. John had promised he would get her in the morning, so it was safe to assume that it was nighttime now. Maybe the exhaustion would at least help the Deputy sleep. The air was stale in here and she could still smell the rubbing alcohol on her skin, yet her eyes were slowly falling shut, as Victoria sat down on the mattress.  
“Rookie?” Boom, wide awake. Was that Hudson's voice? Where was it coming from? Was she hallucinating?  
“Rook, are you there?” Victoria looked around, when she noticed that the crates weren't covering a wall, they were used as a wall and behind them sat Hudson.  
“Joey! Are you okay?” There was ruffling, sounds of boxes being pushed aside.  
“I'm okay. What about you?” Victoria sighed.  
“I've been better...”  
“He...he marked you?” Hudson stammered. Victoria looked down her body, staring at the patched up area next to her hip bone.  
“Yes...”  
“Shit, I'm sorry.” Her voice seemed very close now, as if she was pressing her face against the crates to get everything across. Victoria moved closer as well, but unsure as to what she should say next. “You gotta get outta here, Rookie.” Victoria laughed without any humor.  
“You don't say. We both have to.”  
“No, listen.” There was more rustling and Victoria pressed her ear against the closest gap to hear what Hudson had to say. “I've been here for quite some time now.” There was a pinch of guilt that hit the Deputy, even though she had worked on getting Hudson free for the whole time. “I studied the infrastructure. Forget the doors, they're top notch. But there should be a vent leading to the ventilation system.” The Deputy looked around and actually spotted the vent Hudson was talking about. Theoretically, she would fit in there, but Hudson couldn't be serious.  
“Do you even know where it leads to?”  
“It should lead to one of the hallways close to the stairwell. With a little nerve and stealth, you should be able to make it to the exit.” How long had she been planning this?  
“What about you?” Victoria asked after a moment of silence.  
“There's no vent here. You will make it out and you will give 'em hell, kid.” Hudson sounded so excited, it was infectious.  
“If we move a few of these crates-”  
“Takes too long, makes way too much noise. Trust me, I had time to make this escape plan,” Hudson interrupted.  
“Thank you, Hudson. I will come back for you asap!” Victoria promised, almost tearing up. She grabbed a smaller crate which she could climb and placed it under the vent. Climbing wasn't easy with her injuries, but the Deputy just went for it, gritting her teeth.  
“Are you in?” Hudson called out when Victoria grunted. Her voice was a mere whisper in the distance.  
“Yeah, I'm in,” she responded, looking in the dark abyss of the ventilation system.  
“Take care, you can do it.” How could Hudson be so confident and optimistic after everything she's been through?

Victoria crawled slowly, avoiding making any type of sound. She could hear distant voices, footsteps and faint whistling but none of them indicated if she was going the right way. The pain from her wounds made every inch of moving forward hell, so she didn't even want to think about possibly crawling all the way back, should she meet up with a dead end. Or what if she actually made it to the exit but found it locked? The key around John's neck hadn't gone unnoticed by her. Was that the masterkey? But people walked in and out of this bunker all the time, right? Victoria was yet again on the verge of tears, because the exhaustion and strain took their toll on her, but she kept going nonetheless. She owed it to Hudson.  


After what seemed like an eternity, Victoria reached the outlet Hudson was talking about. She could see the stairwell starting around the corner and let out a sigh of relief. When the coast was clear, she climbed out of the vent, suppressing groans of pain. As fast as she could manage, Victoria ran up the stairs, checking every turn for armed Peggies. So far, her absence didn't seem to be noticed, everything was quiet. A last flight of stairs and she would reach ground level again.  
“Well I'll be damned,” Victoria muttered to herself, as she found the door on to wide open. She stumbled, almost crying tears of joy. Now she only had to make it to the woods. There was a high possibility of armed guards, even sharpshooters and probably a lot of them. Running was out of the question, her leg wouldn't allow that. There was a truck standing nearby. If she could only make it inside...But it was no use, if the keys weren't inside. She would be trapped, ready to be brought back into the depths of the bunker. Well...better caught than shot.  
Victoria kept low, ignoring the stinging pain from her open wounds and made it to the trucks door. Please be open, she thought and gently pulled the handle. With a soft click, the door indeed opened and the Deputy smiled wide when she found the keys in the ignition. Now things had to go fast, she couldn't give the guards time to comprehend what was going on, so she had to go full throttle out of this place. The engine was revving as Victoria stepped on the acceleration pedal, mere moments after turning the key. In the rear view mirror she could see Peggies running, trying to take aim, but her plan worked out, she had thrown them off guard. The image of John's furious face made her almost laugh out loud but the thought of Hudson prevented that. One could only hope that Joey wasn't going to pay the price for Victoria's great escape.

Fall's End lay quiet when Victoria rolled in, the moment she turned off the engine, muzzles started peaking out of doors and windows, left and right. She opened the door and climbed out of the truck, hands rased high.  
“It's me,” she yelled. The door of the Spread Eagle flung open and Mary May ran over to her. Without saying anything, the bar owner hugged the Deputy, squeezing her tight. In fact so tight, that the wound on her lower abdomen started to hurt. On the way, Victoria had decided not to tell them about her marking, because it would raise questions she was not prepared to answer. But the signs of her incarceration were more than visible, starting with her leg.  
“Let's get you inside and tend to your wounds.” Mary walked the Deputy into the bar, where more people with guns waited. Victoria collapsed on a chair, took a deep breath and started to cry.  
“Give her some space, for Christ's sake.” People scattered, while Mary sat down next to Victoria, comforting her. “You survived, hon. Not everyone can say that.” The Deputy nodded, wiping away the tears. She caught a glimpse of her wrists, which were all bruised up. The bandage on her leg was soaked in blood and she felt sticky from her sweat.  
“Mary, can we talk tomorrow? I need a shower and some rest.”  
“Of course, Dep. Can you make it up the stairs yourself or do you need help?” Victoria could see that there was a part of Mary that desperately needed to know everything right here and now, but she successfully suppressed that part.  
“I can manage.” The Deputy got up, But Mary wouldn't let her go just yet. She held out something to her.  
“Take this.” The Bartender placed a radio into the Deputy's hands. “In case you need anything, call on any of us.”  
“Thank you.”

Victoria immediately fell asleep after showering and patching up. A deep, dreamless sleep. When she opened her eyes, she sun was showing her first beams through the clouds. Someone had put a pile of fresh clothes on a chair, opposite of the bed. The wish to burn the torn up jeans and shirt she had worn in the bunker was great. Outside the window she could see the truck she arrived with, the door still open and everything hit her again. Her hand touched the bandage on her lower abdomen and, as if she had triggered something, static noises were coming from the radio.  
“Hello? Is everything alright?” Victoria asked, expecting Mary, Jerome or someone else familiar to answer.  
“Good morning, Deputy.” She had to steady herself. Not again. He still must have his spies in place. If they were truly watching her, she couldn't let them see how broken she was.  
“Good morning, John. Didn't expect to hear from you so soon.” Her voice was nonyielding, the perfect illusion of confidence.  
“That...was quite an escape, I must say. Bravo.” Victoria could hear the anger he so much wished to conceal. “Too bad it was useless.”  
“Useless? How so?”  
“Victoria,” John exhaled and all the hairs on the Deputy's neck stood up. “you and me both know this situation won't last.”  
“What on earth makes you think, I would ever return to your bunker, you son of a bitch?” John laughed.  
“Language.” He chuckled again. “First of all, you're done with the bunker, for now. I already told you.” Right, he wanted her at his ranch. “Then there's your little friend Deputy Hudson, whose life you would never endanger, right?” Fuck. “And then of course...and this is why I thought it might be best if we have this little talk in the morning, without other prying ears...we have a connection, Deputy. A bond. Just look at your sin.”  
She could feel the carved-in letters sting. He had done a marvelous job of fucking up her body for good, because this would never disappear. He had made himself a part of her, forever.  
“So...what to do in this predicament? How to solve this little problem of ours?” John waited, waiting for her to catch up to his thought process. Victoria was certain that he would offer her some kind of deal and she was even more certain that this deal would benefit John Seed and him alone.  
“Make your offer. Amaze me,” Victoria said, unwilling to play his game.  
“The deal is, you turn yourself in and I will grant Deputy Hudson free passage back into the loving arms of Fall's End.” The reasonable thing would've been to say yes immediately but she stayed silent. There wasn't any higher reason for her to hesitate, but she just couldn't agree.  
“Deputy, your reluctance hurts me,” John said and it was undeniable that he was grinning from ear to ear. “My offer stands until tomorrow morning. 24 hours to decide the fate of your friend and colleague. Tick tock.” He didn't wait for any answer whatsoever, the line went dead. 

“John contacted me,” Victoria said. A few hours had passed since she had talked to the Baptist. Mary almost choked on her coffee.  
“He what?”  
“He made an offer.” The Deputy briefly explained what the deal was about. “I have until tomorrow morning to give him an answer. But...I think I'm gonna agree.”  
“Hell no, man. You can't do that.” Victoria had only met the guy they called Sharky but apparently he also had an interest in saving her butt.  
“Sharky is right, dude,” his cousin Hurk Jr. said. “You be dead in no time!”  
“For some strange reason John wants me and me alone. Alive. Hudson will not be that fortunate if his deal runs out.”  
“Man, that John really does have a hard-on for you, so I'm thinking you two should just fuck and, er, get it over with,“ Sharky said and Victoria was afraid that she might turn ruby red, because he was closer to the truth than he might suspected.  
“Sharky, that is the grossest thing anyone has ever said in my bar and you know very well who's drinking here. So give yourself a pat on the back.” Mary's face was a mask of pure disgust.  
“I think Sharky is right, man. It's a weird game that guy's playing, never seen him do it and we've seen a lot from him since that family arrived,” Hurk chimed in, having his cousins back.  
“He's a fucking sadist! Of course he's playing games for his sick kicks,” Mary argued. When would they notice that Victoria had nothing to add to any of this and connect the dots? She had to say something.  
“Don't you get the severity here? There's no other way than accepting because it's crystal clear that John has made up his mind.”  
“How do we even know he's gonna release your colleague anyway?” Mary asked in a cynical tone. She was pissed and she was pissed every time they would talk about John. There had to be more to this story, but Victoria was not going to dig.  
“I will negotiate an exchange. He won't get me without handing out Hudson.”  
“For fucks sake, Dep! Don't you see that you've already fallen for John's mind games? He's got the upper hand either way and you think you can outsmart him still. Wake up!” Victoria could understand where she was coming from, but there was no other way, unless they would risk casualties. The Deputy chose her next words carefully, because just as John had already made up his mind, so did she. Her decision was final.  
“I know that this situation is as fucked as it gets, but right now I'm worried about my friend and I will not gamble with her life. If that means that I have to put my own one on the line, so be it.” The silence that followed was deafening. It felt like this discussion had been going on for hours and it had been tiring, but the silent treatment was unbearable. Maybe they knew that anything they could say was pretty much useless, since Victoria's determination was visible.  


People got up with a sigh, leaving only Victoria, Mary May and Pastor Jerome behind. Every one of them stared into a different corner of the room, until Mary rose to speak.  
“Well, you know what I think about this. What about you?” she asked the pastor. “You've been awfully quiet all day.” Jerome took a good minute to reply.  
“I said this before. I think the Deputy is right, but I'm also aware that this won't be the end.” He looked Victoria straight in the eye. “I hope you know what you're doing and that the Lord is with you.” With that he got up and left as well. Victoria couldn't help but feel abandoned, especially with the glance Mary shot at her now. The Deputy was an outsider, so it was only natural that the people of Fall's End wouldn't share all their secrets with her, but something John had said stuck with her: “Did these people ever call you their friend?” Her insides clenched, feeling disappointed and hurt.  
“If you wanna play the hero, Dep, I guess your slot has opened,” Mary said while getting up as well.  
“This is not the time for cynicism.”  
“It's not the time for any rash decisions either, but that didn't hold you back.”  
“Do you really think this is what I want? I saw Hudson and I know her chances of survival are close to zero if I don't do something and do something quick.” Victoria was fed up with Mary's attitude and judgment. The bartender slammed her fists on the table.  
“John's got you exactly where he needs you. And you don't even realize that you turned into his pawn.”  
“I know that very well and I don't like it either, but sometimes you just gotta be the pawn, because there is no alternative.” Victoria kept her voice quiet and steady, but inside of her raged a mean fight of emotions.  
“Shit, you're right,” Mary finally admitted, visibly uncomfortable. “Just...just be careful, okay? You cannot trust these Seeds.”  
“I will be careful,” Victoria promised. “Maybe there will even be new opportunities, once I'm inside of that cult.”  
“God, I wish I had your optimism, Dep.”

It dawned on Victoria that she might never see these people again, once she agreed to John's conditions. She would plunge herself into the unknown yet again. For that reason she decided to wait until the next morning to give the Baptist what he wanted to hear, but tonight she would be among friendly faces and have a last drink with them. Mary May understood what was going on without the Deputy saying a single word and poured her a shot.  
“You look like you need this.” Victoria raised the glass and drank it empty in a single sip.  
“Very much needed, thanks.” The sun had gone down a few moments earlier and the Spread Eagle was once again full of people having a drink, talking and looking for shelter. Most of them had experienced loss; loss of home, property or even family members. Loss caused by John Seed. All of a sudden Victoria felt sick to her stomach.  
“Can you pour me another one?” she asked the bartender. Mary raised an eyebrow.  
“Are you sure? You don't look took too hot right now, Dep.”  
“Might be the last drink I'll ever have, so fill me up.”  
“Well if this ain't the saddest Bachelorette party I've ever seen,” Sharky said, sitting down next to Victoria. “Afraid he's gonna abandon you at the altar tomorrow?” Again the Deputy was afraid of turning red.  
“Shut your trap, Sharky,” Mary snapped at him.  
“I'm just joking, relax.” Sharky nudged Victoria in the ribs. “You're not mad at me, are you?”  
“It's cool,” she said half-smiling.  
“See Mary, she says it's cool, so get off my dick.” Mary May rolled her eyes and began to draw beer.  


Victoria actually enjoyed herself for a couple of hours, talking and laughing with the locals. Jerome stayed absent though. She also had a bad consciousness because Hudson was just as much waiting for an answer as John did, but since she had time until the morning...Mary had already started to clean up, when a very familiar voice silenced every bit of laughter and conversation in the room.  
“It was the Father who said to me: 'Take them John, take them even if they resist.' For those who deny the Project are the ones most in need of its salvation.” Fear was in almost every pair of eyes Victoria met. “Though their sins are great, their souls are not beyond saving. All they must do is confess.” John was paraphrasing what Joseph had said to her during the cleansing. What was going on? His deadline was far from running out.  
“Are you ready, Deputy Hudson?” His voice was so soft, full of understanding and forgiveness, which made the horror even greater. There was silence for a moment.  
“Go fuck yourself,” Hudson answered, evidently distraught. The radio sat on the bar, but no one present dared touching it and so they all just listened.  
“Mmm, I know...opening yourself, exposing your darkest secrets can be...challenging. It can be scary. But this is a safe space, there is no judgment here.” Victoria and Mary scoffed almost at the same time. “Do you wish for me to hear your confession?”  
“Go fuck yourself,” Hudson answered yet again, defiant as ever. Victoria dreaded what would happen if John didn't get his will, if this didn't play out as he had planned it. There was more silence, which made her expect the worst.  
“That's not the magic word.” John's voice was still quiet but it gained an edge, an edge that meant nothing good. “Do you wish for me to hear your confession?” Hudson didn't answer this time and he sighed in frustration. “You just have to say 'yes'.”  
“Go...fuck...yours-” Deputy Hudson wasn't able to finish that sentence and a piercing scream filled the room. Several people present let out sounds of horror and disbelief. Victoria had to put an end to this but she just couldn't bring herself to pick up the radio.  
“Do you wish to confess?” John asked again, after the screaming had stopped for a moment.  
“Fuck you! Fuck you!” Hudson yelled, pain in her voice.  
“Embrace it. Embrace the Power of Yes,” he grunted and Victoria could imagine what he was doing to her colleague all too well. What was this whole broadcast trying to achieve? Was he growing impatient and trying to bring along a decision, an answer to his proposal? Weren't 24 hours already enough pressure? Or was this just him getting one of his 'sick kicks', as Mary had put it? Hudson's screaming and pleading made it so hard to just stand by and listen but still no one made a move towards the radio. It felt like a wicked spell held all of them in place, forcing them to witness this torture.  
“Please stop!” Hudson cried over and over again.  
“Do you wish to confess?” John was out of breath but the edge in his voice was still very much there.  
“Yes...”  
“There. It wasn't so hard, was it?” A triumphant tone, yet nearly caring. John, the master manipulator. “I hope this little insight reminded you of what is at stake here, Deputy. I'm desperately waiting for your answer.” Without hesitating any second longer, Victoria grabbed the radio.  
“I accept, you piece of shit.” John chuckled. She had exactly done what he wanted.  
“How delightful. I'm sorry, Deputy Hudson, there's a slight change of plan. You're going home.” There was some unintelligible conversation before John chimed in again. “I will personally supervise Deputy Hudson's safe transfer and of course collect you in exchange, my dear. See you soon.”  
“So we're just gonna let him roll in and pick you up?” Hurk asked after a moment.  
“Nah, man-,” Sharky started to argue.  
“Yes. This is what I have agreed to and I will not put Hudson or any of you in danger,” Victoria intervened.  
“But showing his ass in Fall's End like that? It's the perfect opportunity!”  
“No, there's too much at risk. Let me go through with this please.” Then she added: “And no rescue attempts. I will figure something out.”  


As if waiting for a natural disaster to arrive, everyone in the Spread Eagle sat in silence, staying away from the windows. It felt like they were all holding their breath, until the headlights of several trucks rolled in and stopped in front of the bar.  
“If you're doing this solo, take this at least.” Mary handed Victoria a revolver, which she pushed in the back of her pants. The Deputy nodded, unable to say anything. She opened the door and was met with John Seed's twisted smile. A cultist next to him had Hudson in his grasp. Their eyes met for a second and Victoria's heart dropped, as she could see that John had broken her.  
“Let her go,” she demanded.  
“I'm sorry, but you're not calling the shots here,” John said amused. “You will come over like a good girl and only then will I let her go.” Of course he had to have his way. Victoria walked over to him and with every step his smile widened.  
“How's the leg, my dear?”  
“Like you care.” John nodded at the cultist and he let Hudson go. Her restraints and gag gone, she stumbled forward until she reached the door of the Spread Eagle. Victoria could see several heads peeking out, trying to see what was happening.  
“So, shall we?”  
“In a moment,” John said, closing in on her. He wrapped his arms around her, which startled her. His hands ran from her shoulders all the way down her back until they rested on her waistband.  
“Do you really think this little toy gun is going to help you?” he purred into her ear, as he snatched the revolver from her pants.  
“Worth a try,” Victoria hissed back into his ear. How the fuck could the electricity be back after everything he had done?  
“Get in the car. We are ready to roll out.” The Peggies followed his orders and Victoria took a last look of the Spread Eagle until it disappeared in the distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, but I hope I can make it up with a slightly longer chapter. 
> 
> Hudsons torture scene is taken from an in-game broadcast and only altered very little to fit the story.


	9. They finally meet their fate

The Seed ranch was nothing but stunning and Victoria hated to admit that. This wasn't the way she had pictured a super villain's lair. The enormous living room had a beautiful stone fireplace in the center and was open to both sides. Over one mantle hung a portrait of the Father, which gave the Deputy the creeps.  
The ride to the estate had been completely silent. She hadn't thought it possible that John could shut his trap this long, but there he had sat, even closing his eyes and smiling blissfully. The certain triumph calmed him. When they arrived, John got out of the truck and ordered some Peggies to follow him with a small gesture. The rest must have gotten their instructions beforehand. She had to admit, quiet John was a lot scarier than spitting-threat-after-threat-at-her John.  
She was brought upstairs by one of the cultists and shoved into a dark room, without another word. A familiar click indicated that she was once again locked up. But, as far as she could tell in the darkness, this room was the presidential suite compared to the shithole she had been put in, in John's bunker: a comfy bed, a window (if barred), a wooden chair and small table. The walls were naked but didn't look prion-like. If John was responsible for the furnishing, he had excellent taste.  
It was still the middle of the night but Victoria couldn't find any rest, unsure what John had planned for her now, how long she might have to stay isolated in this room. Like an incarcerated animal, she walked up and down, from the window to the door and back to the window. Looking out of throught he bars, Victoria was trying to fathom an escape plan, but even if she made it out of this room, and this was a big 'if', the compound was full of armed cultists, patroling every corner. Victoria was trapped for good this time.

Hours later, when the agitation had ceased a little, she heard the lock click once again. The adrenaline made her limbs tremble. What would happen now? Just like a prophet from a Bible story, John entered the room, wearing the mask of a more merciful man. He didn't care to turn on any light, which made his appearance seem even more ominous.  
“I hope you'll find your accommodations to your liking.” He approached her slowly, stopping only inches away from her and even though Victoria felt like backing away, she didn't. Something in his expression flicked a switch in her head and she tried throwing a punch, aiming at his smug face. John caught her fist mid-air, smiled and closed his other hand around her throat. Pushing her against the wall, squeezing tight enough to make her fight for air, he brought his lips very close to her ear.  
“Look at you. Wrath. All that anger you carry inside of you is a disease. It spreads out, infects others.” She could feel her tongue swelling in her mouth, but John didn't loosen his grip. “It even infected me. It's making me do something, I don't want to do. You see, after you fled, this...rage started boiling up inside of me.” She had pissed in his cornflakes and now she was going to pay. Victoria wasn't sure if John still had her atonement in mind or if he was just on a personal vendetta now.

Finally, John let go of her and Victoria sank to the floor, coughing her lungs out. John watched her, his face a mixture of contempt and content. After a moment, he pulled a flask out of his coat and gently brought it to the Deputy's lips. She expected the stinging taste of alcohol but then she remembered that the Project refrained from it. Instead she had a sip of water that calmed her coughing a little.  
“There you go.” So, it's going to be the carrot and the stick. Nothing to look forward to. Victoria dragged herself back to her feet and stumbled towards the bed. John steadied her, grabbing her shoulders and sending shivers up and down her body. He sat her down and took a seat on the chair himself.  
“Tomorrow – well in a few hours, when the sun has risen – we will have another little talk. No restraints this time, but don't take this as a sign of me going soft on you. I am still as persistent to extract your sins from you, one by one, as I was before.”  
“I...I'm no use to you...,” Victoria coughed. John gave her some more water before he answered.  
“You have already been of use and I am confident...there's more to explore...” His tone felt almost threatening, as if he had put his hand back around her throat. It was deeply unsettling, especially since he gave Victoria another sip of water, making sure she was okay.  
“Get some rest,” John said, stowing away the flask in his coat. “I'll come for you when you're good and ready.” And with that he left the dark room, not without locking it again from outside. She just couldn't make up her mind about if and how John had made up his mind about her. He despised her for resisting, but there was something utterly caring about him. He also didn't seem to be the type to blindly follow orders, even if they came from Joseph. Hell, she would be surprised if Joseph knew anything about what was going on at the ranch.  
Victoria hated herself for even thinking that a man like John Seed could care for another human life. He enjoyed pain, pain he inflicted on others, so why tend to her? That man was a walking contradiction.  
There was no use in trying to sleep, so Victoria just lay on the bed, staring at the wooden ceiling and dwelling in her thoughts. Darkness turned to a faint blue and finally into a bright orange. How long until he would be back? Was she secretly wishing for it to be rather sooner than later? “Stop it!” Victoria scolded herself.  
The guards on the property changed shift as soon as the sun was up in full. One armed, bearded guy in exchange for another armed, bearded guy. Victoria wondered if John could even tell them apart, if he cared enough for them to do so. Her presumption was that John was in all of this for his personal gain. Maybe he believed what Joseph said about the collapse, but that wasn't reason enough for him to change into an altruistic person altogether. If the collapse came, John would care for his skin and his alone.

Time passed on, without anyone coming to or getting Victoria. The sun was already high up in the Montana sky and promised another warm day. She couldn't remember the last time she had spent a day just being outside, doing nothing but enjoying the weather. It was a feeling of longing that filled the Deputy's heart, a longing for freedom, for peace of mind and a shot of happiness.  
Victoria again stood by the window, trying to at least absorb a little bit of sunlight, when the lock clicked again. The door swung wide open and a Peggie brought in another chair.  
“Thank you,” John said as the cultist left the room again.  
“Any time, Brother John.” The Baptist closed the door behind him and just smiled at Victoria. The uneasiness in her stomach returned.  
“Please, have a seat.” He gestured to the chair that had already been there and only when Victoria had sat down, he himself took a seat. His face told her that he was well rested and eager to get to work, eager to get results.  
“Let's get this over with and -”  
“Sh sh sh,” John hushed her up. “I must remind you again. You are not calling the shots here.” Victoria sighed, feeling like being stuck in some hellish cycle.  
“And I must remind you again. I don't know what you want from me. Why go through this whole ordeal again?” John folded his hands, his relaxed expression developing some cracks.  
“Because even a wayward sinner, such as yourself, has a spot in Eden's Gate.”  
“Frankly, serve that spot for someone who wants it,” Victoria spat back at him, raising her voice. John got up, leaning on the backrest of his chair.  
“You are so ridden with sin and yet you won't let me help you! You refuse to be saved!” he shouted, only to burst into hoarse laughter. “This will end today. There will be no more back-and-forth, there will be no more haggling...” John closed in on her again, cupping her face. “We're going to share a beautiful moment. And you're going to tell me your deepest, darkest fears.” His grip got tighter and his nails dug into Victoria's skin. She didn't know what to say, her uneasiness turned into fear. Although she was not restrained, except for John's grip, she felt trapped on that chair and the Baptist was offering the only escape.  
“Things could be worse, you know. Here you just have to confess. In the east, well...Faith has made her angels. Mindless, uncontrollable puppets. She never did treat them all that well." There was a depreciatory tone to his voice. "In the north, Jacob has his trained killers. Obedient but mindless just the same.” He brought her face closer to his own, speaking his next words sounding pleading. “I am here to give you the help you need.” The Baptists grip made it impossible for Victoria to argue about that, which John apparently took as silent agreement.  


“Now, let's proceed,” John commanded after finally letting her face go and taking a seat again. “Do you wish to confess your fears?”  
“I'm afraid in this very moment,” Victoria spluttered. There was something in John's eyes that showed her he was proud of himself, despite what he said.  
“No no no, this is a safe space for your confession, remember? I will pass no judgment on you. No matter how messy it gets.” John smiled, a warm caring smile. There it was again, the walking contradiction. But maybe he wasn't after all. Maybe he was the master manipulator everyone took him for. He knew exactly which buttons to push, which masks to wear to get what he wanted. Victoria closed her eyes and without opening them up, she said:  
“I'm...afraid to lose control. Control of myself and situations.”  
“Well, this must be excruciating for you then,” John assumed correctly.  
“You bet your ass it is.” The Deputy buried her face in her hands. “It's a nightmare trying to act in everyone's best interest when they're not even remotely aligning with each other. It's like babysitting a flock of chickens.”  
“And where does your interest come into play?” John's question startled her. Victoria had cared about Hudson, Mary May, Jerome, Fall's End, Hope County and they all relied on her doing that. There had never been any room for her as a person.  
“I...I'm with the police force, my interests are...irrelevant.” Was she trying to convince him or herself?  
“And you take a lot of pride in that, don't you? Being needed by an entire community, having them at your feet, asking you to save them?”  
“Are you talking about yourself?” Victoria blurted out, making John chuckle.  
“I am not saving souls to satisfy my pride, Deputy. There's a higher purpose. But...” He put a hand on his chest, doing a circular motion. “it seems yet again that we have something in common.”  
“I'm not acting for selfish reasons either. I have to make sure that people are saved, even if that comes at the expense of my own life. The lives of the many outweigh the lives of the few. That's my duty.”  
“How noble, how chivalrous!” John laughed, as if she had cracked a really good joke. “My brother Jacob would disagree with you on that though.” Just like back in the bunker, John walked around Victoria, stopping right behind her. He whispered:  
“Listen to yourself. Even your choice of words exudes pride.” His breath on her neck made her skin tingle.  
“Think what you will, I stand by what I said. People like you must be stopped and I'll gladly be the one to bring you down,” Victoria pointed out, her eyes flying from left to right.  
“People like me...” John let the expression linger for a moment, his voice appearing amused. “I think...” He took his sweet time finishing that thought. “I think you feel lost in this world, in this society and cling with all the might you can gather to this idea of being a force of good, of walking the righteous path. Just to have some sort of purpose.”  
Something deep inside of her being unclogged, something in her finally felt seen. She was dumbfounded, unable to say a single syllable and slumped down in her chair. John patted her shoulder without being patronizing. He had put his finger on the weak and crucial point.  
“Pride is a false friend, my dear. I know that all too well. It poisons the soul.” He returned to his chair and moved it closer to Victoria. “I am here to cleanse your soul from that false friend.” With a swift motion, John took both of her hands between his own. “I am here to give your life back to you and all you have to do is say 'yes'.”  
“I'll admit to what you say and all the pain and worry will magically go away?” Victoria asked on the brink of crying. John's eyes widened as he watched tears pool in her eyes.  
“No, but admitting, confessing, is the first step. Freeing the soul from the darkness of our sins.” It didn't go unnoticed by Victoria that he spoke of 'our sins' and she was sure that this wasn't just rhetoric. He alluded to their aforementioned connection. “I will help you lift that burden and soon you'll be able to atone, to accept the word of the Father into your heart,” John explained, his voice calm and inviting. “Don't you feel relieved that your sin is now out in the open? Don't you feel as if a weight was lifted?” Victoria had to think about that for a moment, but to her own surprise, she slowly nodded. John let go of her hands, caressed her cheek and her skin began to tingle.  
“I guess that means it's time for another tattoo...,” she assumed carefully, trying to ignore the whirlwind of emotions she was feeling in this exact moment.  
“Aren't you an eager one?” John laughed. “Not yet. First we'll have a look at the one you already have.” The both of them got up and Victoria reluctantly lifted her shirt, so John could inspect the marking. Carefully he pulled off the bandage from her lower abdomen, his face lighting up as the letters were finally exposed. He let his fingertips run over the scabbing wound and examining the swelling around it. The way he touched her, like a fragile piece of art...Victoria couldn't think straight.  
“Ah, it's healing up nicely.” John's bright smile and flickering eyes were too much for her to handle at this point. Once again she wanted to close the gap between them, wanted this debilitating tension between them gone. Sharky's words came back to her mind and she bit her lip. John picked up on the sudden mood shift, his smile just as wide as before.  
“Have you learned nothing, Deputy?” Victoria didn't think, she let her desires do the talking.  
“It seems I'm unteachable...” Her breathing was ragged and she didn't know what to do with her hands, as she wanted to touch and hurt him with equal drive.  
“And here I thought you were behaving like a good girl.” John was stalling, moving slightly away from her, whenever Victoria moved closer, teasing her and enjoying the affect he had on her.  
“John-”  
“I'll be back soon,” John interrupted her. “In the meantime, I will have someone come up and bring you some food. You seem...famished.” He winked at her and left without another word.

Maybe, just maybe it had been the empty stomach in combination with John's deduction skills that made her shut down her brain before. Maybe Victoria was just in need of some human interaction after all that violence. Either way, the food John had promised was more than enough and with a full belly, Victoria had drowsed off into a nap.  
The sun was already starting to set when John returned. To her horror, he brought his tattoo gun and more of that dreadful rubbing alcohol. Even though she had anticipated this happening, Victoria had hoped it wouldn't be so soon. John arranged everything with pristine care and with a small gesture, he ordered her to take a seat. Reluctantly she sat down, only to recognize that John turned her chair around, so that he faced her back.  
“This one will be placed on your shoulder, my dear,” he whispered. “Please be so kind and take off your shirt.” Victoria did as she was told, her heart racing. She should've been used to John seeing her half naked by now, but she wasn't. Just like back in the bunker, he spent extensive time on rubbing her skin with the disinfectant, which was cold against her flustered skin and goosebumps started to show. When John moved the strap of her bra, a small gasp escaped Victoria's lips.  
“This is the second time you're undressing me and you still haven't bought me dinner,” Victoria tried to play it cool. John snickered behind her back.  
“All in due time.”

Victoria wished she had gotten used to the buzzing sound of the tattoo gun by now, but she hadn't. The sound stressed her out and her muscles tensed.  
“Relax,” John persisted, kneading her shoulder. “It'll hurt a lot more this way.” His touch yet again sent shivers up and down Victoria's spine and she couldn't decide if that was the good or bad kind of shudder.  
The process of etching the word 'pride' into her shoulder was the same as before. John went in way too deep, every stroke ripping her skin further apart. Victoria could feel the blood running down her back. When the buzzing finally stopped, there was complete silence for a moment and Victoria took the opportunity to wipe away the tears that had emerged during the session. Without another snarky remark, John took a piece of cloth and cleaned up the Deputy's back.  
“If only you could see what I'm seeing,” John said, emphasizing how satisfied he was.  
“You have very strange preferences, John.” He laughed huskily.  
“Be careful standing up, your circulation might be down.” Sticking to that advice, Victoria got up slowly, but was still seeing stars. Luckily everything was fine again a moment later. Fainting in front of John was the last thing she wanted to experience right now.  
“I am proud of you for enduring this so valiantly, Victoria,” John exclaimed, finally facing her and smiling. Something was different about that smile. It wasn't twisted, not condescending. It was warm and true.  
“Interesting choice of words, considering what you just carved into my shoulder,” Victoria observed and made John laugh. She also had to smile, the situation was so bizarre and John made it even more bizarre. He tucked away a strand of her hair and yet again, her skin tingled. No it was more than that. It was vibrating. She took a step forward, closer to him and his time he didn't flinch away. There was undeniable desire in his eyes, as he watched Victoria placing a hand on his chest, only inches away from the key he was wearing around his neck. Her fingertips touched the carved in letters that were exposed on his skin. Had he done this to himself? His muscles tensed and she could feel that they were toned without being bulky. It had gone unnoticed by Victoria that she was staring at his body, lips slightly parted. Maybe her sin was lust after all and a sin indeed, because this should have felt utterly wrong. John was the enemy. John had done unspeakable things to her and the people of Hope County. She should have used the opportunity to hurt him, maim him or even kill him. Instead the electricity, the tension that had been there right off the bat took the upper hand.  


“You shouldn't start what you can't finish, Victoria,” John moaned, grabbing her hand. He was struggling as well, she could feel that in his grip.  
“Oh, watch me finish it.” And Victoria couldn't explain how she gathered that last bit of confidence to go all the way, but she did. She pulled John towards her and kissed him. Immediately he placed his hands on her hips, returning the kiss hungrily, while Victoria wrapped her arms around his neck. Victoria had hoped that kissing John might relieve some of the tension, but the opposite took effect. The kiss was heated, impatient and promised to be just a taste of what might follow. She wanted more of him and she already dreaded the moment their lips would part. It seemed that something similar had crossed John's mind, because he pulled her even closer and eventually reached for her behind. Before Victoria had any chance to react to that properly, John hoisted her up and she wrapped her legs around him, ignoring her leg wound giving her a hard time. John carried her over to the door, pushing her against it and kissing her neck. His well-groomed beard tickled her aroused skin. The etching on her shoulder was completely forgotten in this moment, the dopamine numbing her body for everything but pleasure. Victoria ran her hands through his slick hair, knocking down the sunglasses he was wearing on his head. With the noise of her slamming against the door and items being thrown to the ground, Victoria wondered what any guarding Peggie on the other side might think, because there certainly was someone.  
Suddenly John grabbed Victoria by her hair, pulling her head back gently and giving them both a break. She was out of breath and had lost ever bit of focus. John's gaze lingered on her exposed chest, his breath hot against her skin.  
“You are a wicked temptress...,” John groaned, still holding her head in place and smiling moonily. Slowly he let Victoria down and took a step away from her. A hand placed on his own chest, doing a circular motion as he had done before, he smirked. The way he let her stand there, bare and vulnerable, made her feel awful. What had she instigated? The only thing holding her back from freaking out entirely was John's expression, because it was still blissful.

After a nail-biting silence, John had sat Victoria down once again and patched up her latest tattoo. Otherwise, there was no more physical contact.  
“That has been enough excitement for one day, so I will leave you for now,” John exclaimed, controlling his voice a lot. “I will also leave the door unlocked from now on.” Victoria furrowed her brow, while John got up, ready to leave. “Feel free to roam the house. You can also try to run, but rest assured, you won't get very far.” The subtle threat made her shiver, so much that she immediately picked up her shirt and wrapped herself in it. Victoria continued to stare at the closed door, long after John had left her. If the blood from her own shoulder hadn't marked the wooden panels, she would've sworn the whole interaction with John had just happened in her imagination.

Victoria spent the entire night lying awake, questioning everything she had done. There was no way she could look Mary May or any of the others in the eye ever again. Guilt tied her stomach into a knot.  
At the same time she tried to focus on what she had felt in those brief moments John and herself had lost themselves in each other and why it had felt so right then. Every rational fiber in her body should have rebelled, should stopped her from making out with John Seed. Why didn't that happen?  
When the night vanished, it didn't take the confusion from her mind and Victoria wondered what kind of consequences all of this would bring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They finally kissed, you guys xD  
> I hope you like the chapter, next one will be interesting ;)


	10. Worry and madness

Victoria didn't see a sign of John during the the following days. She knew that he was in the house, since the entire vehicle fleet was parked on the property and even the airplane was still in the hangar. Based on that, her assumption was that John avoided her. Great. As if she hadn't enough to worry about already.  
Even though John had allowed her to roam the house, many party were closed off to her and armed cultists watched her every move. At least they provided her with food and fresh clothes and even her bandages were looked after. Conversation was reduced to a minimum and Victoria suspected that this was also attributed to John's orders. Was he punishing her or himself?  
As to Victoria, she was definitely punishing herself, because the more she thought about what drove her to kissing John, the more she wanted for the earth to open up and swallow her whole. She might only be a Rookie but she should've known better than to walk into a Stockholm Syndrome situation like this. 

Four days had passed since that very confusing night and Victoria tried to occupy her mind with browsing through the bookshelves in the living room in the evening. John's collection was all over the place: law books, religion and philosophy, classic literature. There was little that wasn't available.  
“Found something interesting?” His calm voice startled her, as she hadn't heard him enter the room at all.  
“Not yet,” Victoria answered, still facing the bookshelf. She felt John standing right behind her now and her heart skipped a beat or two.  
“Would you then please join me by the fire?” The calm of his voice now sounded low, pressed and caused very conflicting emotions, pooling in Victoria's stomach. When she turned around, John had already sat down on the couch in front of the fireplace. The flames danced ominously on his face.  
“Leave us,” John ordered every armed Peggie in hearing distance and they obeyed immediately. Victoria took her seat on the other end of the couch, just to play it safe. The posture John presented was relaxed, one arm on the back rest, the other lazily resting on his lap, but there was something in his eyes that told Victoria he wasn't as relaxed as he would like her to believe. His gaze was piercing and Victoria couldn't stand it, so instead she watched the fire.  
“So, you're done avoiding me?” Victoria said in a soft voice.  
“I was under the impression that we need some time to think things over. To remember our sins and to repent.” He scratched his beard, smirking at her, but Victoria still couldn't withstand his eyes. She didn't want to feel anything else for this man than hatred and disgust, but her body betrayed her. Her heart was bleeding and she hated herself for it. 

“Shall we talk about what happened?”  
“Jesus, you sound like my dad, John,” Victoria snapped. “And don't try to pin all of this on me. You kissed me just as much as I kissed you.”  
“Yes,” John remarked. “I won't deny that. But I was able to stop myself, dear.” His tone was lecturing and Victoria got mad.  
“Oh, I see. I was the one that lost control,” she shouted sarcastically and crossed her arms in anger. “I must've misinterpreted your hands on my ass then.”  
“Could you please keep your voice down?” John snapped back at her. So this was what all of this was about. John wanted to make sure that Victoria wouldn't spill the beans around anyone else, tarnishing his image.  
“John, what do you want from me? To keep my mouth shut and pretend nothing happened? Fine, you can have that.” John scooted over to her on the couch.  
“You have my gratitude. I don't want this little...mishap to stand in the way of your atonement.” His signature smirk wiped away the intense expression from his gaze. “Otherwise I would see myself forced to go over your first marking once again. Just to make sure that you understand your sin.” Victoria was audibly gulping and froze in her seat. The Baptist looked satisfied, he enjoyed being in control again.  
“Speaking of your markings, how is the healing coming along?” John asked, grazing over her body. Victoria placed a hand on the spot that her leg had been torn. It may not have been the biggest gash but the healing process had been awful, due to every endeavor that had ripped the wound open again and again. Only during the past few days, when she had a bit of quiet time, had she found it actually healing. The tattoos luckily didn't give her such a hard time. The scabbing had disappeared and now she could see and feel how much they had scarred over underneath.  
“I'm okay,” she concluded.  
“Excellent,” John approved, a pinch of ambition in his voice. Victoria was afraid he would want to add more words to her body as soon as possible. But he didn't say anything more about it. Instead a calming silence fell over the room, disturbed only by the crackling of the fireplace and faint outdoor noises, coming in through the closed doors on both ends of the room.  
“I think I will go to bed now,” Victoria interrupted the somber moment.  
“Good night, my dear.” He just couldn't leave well enough alone and winked at her, as she climbed up the stairs. Before she headed out, she took a last look at John and caught something she didn't expect. John's relaxed posture was gone, he sat there slumped, his face buried in his tattooed hands. Victoria's guts clenched, because she had never seen him vulnerable like this and against better judgment, she felt sympathetic. For a brief moment she wanted to go back to him...

Another 24 hours went by before John sought out Victoria again. Without knocking, he entered her room after dark and, without turning on the lights, sat down on the additional chair, which hasn't been removed since the last tattoo session. He didn't talk, just gestured her to have a seat as well. Here they would go again...  
Victoria sat down and crossed her arms, watching John's expression closely. It was just like the night before: He desperately tried to appear calm but his eyes were piercing with focus and ambition. Maybe a hint of something else...pressure? Was the deadline given by Joseph running out?  
“I had some time to think about your reluctance to cooperate...in terms of your confession.” Every word was accurately chosen, articulated with precision, as if he had prepared them. “Dragging them out like that, forcing me to do your part in all of this. Is it slothfulness?”  
Victoria leaned forward, trying to appear confident. “You are pushing your world view unto me, declaring me a sinner.” She scoffed. “For a moment...for a brief second I believed you, I started to question myself. But...John, I don't believe in God, I don't believe in a cosmic punishment and I don't believe I need to be saved.” A muscle twitched in John's face, something must have struck a nerve. He was supposed to ensure that Victoria would reach atonement, but this goal just became more and more unlikely.  
“You will not be the reason for my damnation.” His playful, his cocky side was gone and those blue eyes widened with fear. Now she understood why it had been so easy for him to make out her fear of not being in control. John was just the same and he was clearly not in control in this moment, which made him seem unhinged. Seeing him like this pulled at Victoria's heart strings. She knew about his childhood in foster care and his addictions as an adult, he had been the perfect mold for Joseph's ideas. John was just as much being used as she was.  
“John, you are not condemned,” Victoria pleaded and took John's trembling hands into her own, without thinking twice. “You are your own person and you don't have to listen to what Joseph-”  
“Joseph is always right,” John interrupted her with what felt like an automatic response and tried to shake off her hands. But she didn't let go.  
“No, you are his puppet and you don't even realize it.” John got angry, laughing spitefully.  
“And you talk about pushing a world view...” He jumped up from his chair, walked over to the window and ran his hands through his hair. “You shouldn't make assumptions about Joseph or about me. You have no idea of who I am...”  
“I know what's in the case file,” Victoria stated carefully, getting up from her chair and facing John. Her arms were still crossed. She didn't dare to get into detail, because she feared that John might become unpredictable if she did.  
“That's not sufficient to get the bigger picture.” John leaned on the window sill, shaking his head. It was strange for her to see him like this, stripped from all his pizzaz. 

“You...you are a catalyst for sin,” he suddenly muttered. “You instill rage and lust, sins I already repented for. Over and over again.”  
“Don't pretend the kiss was all me. I was there. I saw the way you looked at me,” Victoria sneered, but she was instantly sorry for using such a harsh voice, because John was visibly shaken. Had he confessed his 'mishap', as he had called it, to Joseph? Or what was his own distorted idea of shame giving him such a hard time? His bright blue eyes had so much darkness in them that Victoria decided to use a softer tone.  
“What did he say?” was all she asked, certain that John would know what she was talking about.  
“Are you insane? I haven't told him about this, even though I should have. But I'm already dangling on a mere thread here.” John sighed. “Joseph always knows when things aren't going the way they are supposed to. It's only a matter of time until he finds out that I strayed from the path again.” There was a strange longing deep inside Victoria's chest that told her to comfort him, to tell him that things would turn out alright. But she shook it off, because this was neither the right time nor the right person to do so.  
“So what's your solution? Slap all of these sins on me, cut them back out and hope that Joseph will be pleased once and for all?” She was quiet and what initially was supposed to sound sarcastic now sounded defeated and tired.  
“It wouldn't be enough. You must atone, truly atone...for both of us.” John looked her straight in the eyes and she could also see a longing in them, a longing for peace of mind.  
“I don't believe in any of this and you can't make me.” Victoria said with a steady voice now.  
“And that's exactly what I'm concerned about,” John stated, his voice low and brooding. He took a step towards her, his posture menacing. Victoria raised her arms in defense, anticipating another grip on her throat. But John grabbed her by the wrist, pulling her closer to him and placed his other hand around her waist. Victoria wanted to fight him off, this was wrong. Especially after everything they had just discussed. When he gently placed his lips on hers, every bit of defense melted away and she had to admit to herself that this was exactly what she had wanted to happen since that first kiss. 

John was still contained and withdrew himself several times. Maybe he was testing his will power, but in the end he failed horribly as he took Victoria's face between his hands and kissed her fiercely. His hands began exploring her body as if they had a mind of their own, while Victoria wasted no time and unbuttoned his vest and silk shirt.  
“We shouldn't be doing this...,” moaned John between kisses.  
“For fuck's sake John, make up your mind,” growled Victoria, struggling with the last few buttons. For the first time this day, he laughed and she felt his playful spirit return. She smiled back at him, pulling at the key around his neck, so that his lips were back on her own. Victoria felt high, so high that not a single rational thought crossed her mind. She was impatient, she pushed entry into his mouth with her tongue, her hands running up and down his chest. John moaned into her mouth and groped her bottom. Victoria leaned back and gasped for air, an opportunity John took to kiss the curve of her neck. Her fingers trembled when Victoria tried to open the buttons of her own shirt.  
“Need any help with that?” John groaned, his breath hot against the skin of her neck. Goosebumps rose all over. Just as she wanted to complain about the unyielding buttons, the last one finally gave way and Victoria slid out of her shirt. And once again she faced John Seed in just her bra. Their mouths found each other again and John began to maneuver the two of them over to the bed. He pushed her down unto the mattress and climbed over her, leaving a trail of kisses from her lips down to her cleavage. Victoria tugged on his opened vest and shirt, urgently trying to to pull them off, when John took the matter in his own hands. His muscular build and the amount of tattoos, as well as scars caused her mouth to drop open. Her fingers traced over the individual letters of John's sins. They were much deeper than her own and they have been inflicted with force. She also noticed that not only Joseph and herself were wearing the 'lust' etching on their lower abdomen, John had one himself and it was deeper that all the other carvings. Sex addiction. Has this been his way of dealing with that?  
“I told you, we have a lot in common,” John recalled, when Victoria couldn't take the eyes off of those letters near his hip. As if to validate that bond, he caressed the matching carving on her. There was something profoundly honest in that touch and Victoria once again pulled him closer to her by the key around his neck. John took her mouth into his, his hand fumbling to unbutton her pants. No, she wouldn't give him full control of the pacing just yet. With a swift motion, Victoria managed to have them change position and she ended up straddling John. The bulge in his pants was undeniable. He tried to sit up, but Victoria pushed him back down again, before she took off her bra.  
“Well, aren't you an eager one...,” John laughed out of breath. Victoria smiled before she leaned in on him and kissed the scars on his chest. Sounds of pleasure escaped his lips, the grip on her hips firm and before she knew it, John switched their position once again. Mimicking her actions, he leaned in on her, kissing her neck and making his way down in a painfully slow manner. Victoria's skin was electrified, every kiss sent a spark through her whole body. His groans rumbled in her ears as he pushed her down to pull off her pants and this time she didn't fight for the upper hand. As soon as they were off, John placed one of her legs over his shoulder and his mouth crashed against her inner thigh. His beard tickled her already flustered skin.  
“Yes,” Victoria gasped, arching her back and wanting more of him.  
“Say that again,” John groaned between her legs.  
“Yes!” A chuckle and he was back face to face with her. She granted him entry into her mouth and his tongue battled against hers. Only when John's hand slipped into her panties did Victoria break the kiss and inhaled sharply. It has been a while since someone had touched her like that and the sensation overwhelmed her. Small, circular motions on her clitoris caused her to squirm under his touch and eventually she let out deep moans. He knew exactly what he was doing, knew how to drive her to the brink of sanity.  
Pressure was added to her swollen muscle and John switched to a grinding motion, but he wouldn't slip his finger inside of her. Being on the edge, Victoria tugged at the zipper of his pants, trying to move things forward.  
“Easy,” John whispered, smiling from ear to ear. He withdrew his hand from inside her underwear, gave himself some space and slid out of his pants, while Victoria took care of pulling down her panties. When she tossed them away, John climbed over her again and she felt a rock solid resistance between her legs. John teased her, trying to draw the foreplay out but Victoria took control and adjusted herself to have him slide his whole length inside of her. The sigh John released was guttural and heightened the physical sensation Victoria had even more.  
She clenched her hands into the bed sheets as he began to slowly rock in and out of her when a single rational thought crossed her mind in panic.  
“Wait,” Victoria gasped.  
“What's wrong, dear?” John asked, his voice pressed.  
“You...you are wearing protection, right?” Victoria hadn't paid attention and wasn't sure if he had been consciously enough to put on a condom.  
“Of course. I'm not some kind of animal.” His laugh was reassuring and Victoria felt relieved.  
“Okay good.” As if to take away her worries, John kissed her fervidly and caused Victoria to wrap her legs around him. Satisfied with her reaction, John picked up the rocking motion where he had left off. Quickly Victoria synchronized with his movements, nails digging into his shoulders and she could feel her insides closing tightly around him. John's face was covered in sweat, his eyes flickering dangerously and his lips curled into a shady grin, as he increased the pacing. Victoria's moaning got louder, mixed with small shrieks. One of his tattooed hands covered mouth immediately, muffling her sounds of pleasure.  
“Shh, we don't want to let anyone know what's going on in here.” Victoria unsuccessfully tried to bite his palm, which caused John to cackle. “Behave.”  
“I'd rather not,” she declared and reclaimed his mouth.  
“You wicked, wicked girl.”  
Nonetheless, Victoria tried to keep her moaning at minimum volume, which wasn't the easiest thing to do, considering what John did to her. But the last thing she needed right now was a fucking Peggie walking in on them. John's breathing was ragged, because he too clearly suppressed most of the sounds he wanted to release.

What began as a soft rocking, soon culminated into hard, deep pumping and Victoria could feel her orgasm build up rapidly. His grip on her pelvis intensified, what was an indicator for her that he wasn't far from reaching the climax either.  
Every sense was heightened, every nerve end was on fire. She squeezed her legs even tighter around him, claiming what she so desperately craved. Her arched back caused John to kiss her breasts again and Victoria seriously bit her lip to not cry out in pleasure. A warm feeling started to spread out from her core, all the way up to her chest and her eyelids fluttered.  
“Look at me,” John demanded when he felt that she was almost there and Victoria obeyed. His blue eyes pierced deep into hers, sending her mind over the edge. Her body followed only moments later and she cried out into John's shoulder. Vibrations rolled through her body as John also came with a deep growl.  
He was still inside of her, the two of them catching their breath, trembling under the touch of the other and pearls of sweat dripping from their bodies.  
“Are you alright?” John asked with a raspy voice, as he pulled out. Victoria nodded, her wobbly legs letting him go. She almost anticipated him to get dressed and leave her like the most basic one night stand, but he wasn't. His blue eyes aflame, he leaned in for another kiss, which Victoria returned feverishly. When their lips parted, John collapsed on the bed next to her, his chest heaving as if still catching his breath and his eyes were glued to the ceiling.  
After a few moments and after her brain started functioning again, the reality of what had just happened hit Victoria. “You cannot trust these Seeds.” Mary's warning rang in her ears and she turned her back on John, biting her knuckles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They did it, y'all.
> 
> This chapter is a little shorter than the last few but I didn't want to drag this out any longer. So I hope you like it.


End file.
